12 am - 23rd december 08

3 days to christmas,

not that that matters.

I unlocked the door to chachoo's home, dragging my laptop with me. But i wasnt going to sit low today. 

I havent felt as lost and confused in a long time. As pissed at myself and as saddened by the state of affairs that the sorrow suffocates me. 

So I release the knot on my tie and slip out the suit. Jump into a sweatshirt and tracks and charge my mp3 player while I cross the laces on my joggers. 

Its cold outside, but I need to feel the wind from some place other than my driver's seat window. And as I step outside, I place the earphones where they should be. 

Take ... me home

In time you will come to love me, like one of your own.

Take ... me home

With you .... 

Noone else knows me like you do ... - Above and Beyond (noone else)

As I ran into the wind, the feeling of belonging accentuated. I hadnt done this for a while. Not in a long time. 

I sprinted further. Loving the feeling. For a few minutes I was in a state of trance. 

My lungs began to pain. I dont know whether it was the frozen air inside them or the result of the ciggarettes I sucked earlier in the evening.

But my legs werent laggard, and so I pushed myself further. 

Release yourself, its a big sky

Reveal yourself, its a big sky - John o Callaghan and Audrey Gallagher (big sky)

I didnt reach epiphany. The increased weight of depression eating slowed me down. But in my heart I was calm. 

Breath in this moment - its come and gone

Further and faster through your soul

Open your eyes embrace the dawn

Open your mind

Oh, oh. - John o Callaghan and Audrey Gallagher (big sky)

Yet in my head the tempest raged.

Quote of the day : You gain and you lose, thats the balance of life.