in a state....

maybe am crazy, I dont know, but I'm suffocating.

the sensation that your heart is being enveloped by your drying, airless lungs

and i dont even know that guy, like .. not even seen him. I just learnt his name a few hours ago; when the first news broke about his death.

His friend told me they chatted about setting up a football match a day ago; and now he's vanished. Poof! GonE!

makes me realise, am I prepared for this? God's given me the manual to follow; but I've never bothered to refer. not yet.

procrastination.

but God doesnt procrastinate.

never.

He drowned in a swimming pool. perfectly healthy, perfectly athletic.

perfectly dead.

All i can do sitting here is pray that Allah has mercy on his soul. And that we, moreso I, get my ways right.

Inna lillahi wa inna ilayhi raji'un

/S

complacent

Funny that we've dared to love each other
And we long to meet each other

Yet we're scared to face each other

I guess we're complacent, with our existence in the same room.

one day

I'll empty my heart here.

My anonymity will not last much

But my subconciousness will

and it'll hold onto what you never said

in hopes that you wake it up.

one day.

soldiers of death

everytime I run, I vow I'll leave them
but the twenty soldiers of death come marching,
burning on one end and ready on the other
and I submit to their cause.

its the 100th post YAY! -

so I've hit a century of mindless banter. I am going to celebrate this one with a poem. might now go well with many people; but i think its allright.


I am not a prophet by S. Zafar


I'm not a prophet,
Lest, I was sent as one.
But the scriptures betrayed us,
Strapped with brothers and guns.


Unfaithful their promises,
The hives have won.
Yet, the illusion remains constant;
of gods and none.


Sympathy may stay hither,
Tither pointless, revenge;
Sons of the fallen,
Have failed to avenge.


And in my sorcery
I soar above the donkey man
Then my weapon is fiction
The magic of neverland.


Lies wrapped in lust,
their Greed transceds.
ever ready to fail
and ready to condemn


So stray your implore from me
There's no wisdom i share.
Only light in the abcences of darkness
and darkness in the presence of itself.

cut it.bitch.

we cut our dreams with a cleaver

and drown our thoughts so deep;

that all we're left, is the essential

ability to survive and breathe.

them

So I realised something astonishing about myself. Something I had no idea I was deeply drenched in; until ofcourse when I went to the washroom this morning.

As usual my mind had been wandering and I happened to reflect upon the latest fight I had with a friend. A close friend, I might add.

I realised that from the time I start getting close to a person, my insecurities about the mutual relationship begin to surface and grow with time. Infact, more easily put, my insecurities are directly proportional to the closeness of my relationships.

Some may suggest this as 'opening up'; but mine are generally related to 'wanting more attention and care from you - dear xyz'. Incidently, I want THEIR world to revolve around me. Even moreso, I start expecting stuff which they never signed up for.

And the realisation that they dont realise, saddens me. And I go about pissing them off; Just to see their reaction; or making them hurt - whatever works really. self satisfaction. Therefore, I become a self involved, self centered, narcisistic and sarcastic little whiner aka a woman.

What do I learn from this? Well,
a) I am insecure about my best friends caring too much about others
b) I am also self centered and all of that above
c) I am scared of this realisation

The irony is though, I havent made up my mind, whether I should change. And in case I dont, the logical effect would be a straining of relationships in question.

Finally though, the Break Point shall be when; either I'll be too pissed to make ammends; or they'll be too frustrated to take my shit!

Quote of the day :-
Promise to god I'll break your heart.
Tear you to pieces and rip you apart. (30 seconds to mars)

PS: Seriously though, I believe I should keep a check on my opening up/insecurity ratio. Basically, I must learn never to expect ('tis not going to be easy).

a non doer

yet the fugger in you; was an asshole at birth
and right about now, you recognize it.

You identify its failings, and you characterize its characteristics.
Stinks like shit I tell you; but you must do it.

Only to plan it out on paper; and write it on a book.
in hopes of changing, evolving, the bastard that’s’ plagued your existence.

And then you wait...

… For fuck knows what.

... and with all your comments, I'll make a big jar of tasty achaar!
and eat it whole with chawal and daal
coz that is all, what you say, is worth
to be my shit, and out o'my girth.

GEEK LOVE

Before I press the button
and let myself lose

I gather all my courage
and place a question for you

Will you be,
My Player 2?


Quote of the day :- Love is in the air ....
breathe ....