Time is a bullet.

no?

I clickity clicked through some of the oldest pages of this blog. Probably not all of them, but some very old ones indeed. 2005 I think. 'I saw it again' - read the title. 

I am not scared, but its definitely harder to admit now; much has changed. I seemed to have locked that other person inside me, my personal friend; with whom I shared some of the weirdest wildest thoughts and experiences. And yet some so simple, but so extravagant that it made me shiver; now that I went through those posts. 

Much has changed indeed, but the silly bit is that the realisation never dawned until right now. 

My friend has changed. Or has he? I know their is a competitor alive inside me now, a rival, a critic. Who's pushing me to do it all, to grab it all, to swallow every opportunity whole, to never look back, to never regret, to learn everything, to think everything and to be a hero; in my own right.

Heh, is that even possible?

All this she-bang about maturity. Is this that? To be brave and bold and strong. To endure, to boast and to be the better man. To understand and adhere on the cost of forgeting what I'd learnt, what I'd felt. 

Have I lost my own friend; have I changed him? I still believe I have a fantasy within me, but I've yet to experience the same spirit. The spirit of simplicity.  

Time is surely a bullet, in both physical and spiritual substances. Its fast. So fast that you'll never know. And in the end, it'll surely take you down; by surprise or not, that is dependant. 

Nevertheless, I am glad I've kept this blog. And I hope it survives the financial crisis the world faces today! Flicking through it makes me smile, for the things I used to say and the things I used to believe in. May be I still do. That's mine for the keeps. 

I've been better. 

:)

since face book is FAIL. 

heres where it belongs

:)

sip on some fear
and candid pity
there goes another day
free of regrets
nil of worry
shielded by subliminal ideas 
and actions
without horizons 

chew on some thoughts 
of colossal proportions
give way to no courtesy
idealize without belief
creed, or justice

and with the regret 
that tails the passion
smile with guilty pleasure.

:)

prosthetic imagination

Remain with me; clear, shine;
I dont need beacons, this tube shall take me there.
Give me nothing, and I'll take neither.

In my steps, I shall stop for none.
They never did for me.

Leave now, dont ask more,
I am stripped, naked, ready,
For you, for them, for anyone
Shining, clear.

God is a Gamer

Now people who know me, know I love my video games. I play all sorts of stuff, console, handheld, PC. And also, I've been playing since long. I don't quite remember since when, but its been long. But only recently has my head jumbled into alot of game related frenzy. All I am doing online is checking out new stuff, tech related stuff, new graphical shite. Anyways, that's besides the point here.

Very recently, I saw this video, the source to which I am unable to cite here (coz well I've forgotten it). The video was an ode to video gaming. It was very positive for the fact that video games open doors into new ideas, into thoughts, into realms of power beyond approach, into the unreal, into the intangible truths, into myths, into reality, into life and its bearer.

One of the things it said was, 'How does it feel to re-incarnate? How does it feel to give life? How does it feel to be God?'.

There have been many games which follow a theme as that of giving you God like powers. In many others you are a mythological God from some ancient cult. But what matters to my discussion is the Electronic Arts game SIMS. The power to control, to direct, to result and the power to plan.

We plan so many things for ourselves, for others, for our loved ones, for the world. We work out of our freewill, out of our assumptions, our understanding and our interpretation of the facets of a situation. Yet God's that Master Planner (if you believe in HIM) who as Robbie Williams so rightly puts - 'and He just laughs at my plans'.

There's a lot subject to our fate too, but then again who's writing that book? I know I am not introducing anything new, but things fit so well for me in my current situation. Stuff I couldn't have visualised, God's been working at it for year long. Its for the good so I am not complaining, but I marvel how wonderfully He works and how beautifully everything fits and how crude my plans had been then. Yet God's got it all under control, all planned.

And when He does have the power to control everything inside His plan, its not that hard now is it.

And things don't work out the way we wanted it. Many times, and many times not. There's no formula other than probability. Right. But it's just for now, or its just that our vision is only polarised. No matter how great a chess player we are, we still have no control over things we don't have control over. Over the environment, over circumstances, over others, and even over ourselves.

And sometimes later down the line, it fits. But we don't have the time to realise if it wasn't for 'then' this were never to be. For better or for worse. But it happens.

And even when we know His supreme wisdom is undoubtedly worthy of no challenge, we plan. We plan every single day, mostly unfaithfully and sometimes truly. We predict, we preconceive, we think we've got it covered.

But within this freewill there's a program. There's a system, that God controls. Coz God's a Gamer too.

Hope

In the light of recent events that have happened around me, I have realised some pivotal lessons of life. Never before has HOPE had more meaning to me, or I have seen it mean more to anyone than in the past days.

Alot of what we think is made of our own personality. The way we like to see things, may it be pesimistic or optimistic. It boils down to how we perceive things. In the same way, people we judge are all our own perception of the situation they are in. Alot of which is also relative to how ignorant or well informed we were about the situation. We think we know it all, but our conclusion is merely based on only what we know, even if that's not the complete truth or may be not even the complete lie.

And along these lines of positive perception, lies hope. An optimists love and a ray of light for the weakened. Hope is a strong player in times of distress and uncertainity. But how? It's factual evidence that has evolved some hope has'nt it. But that is because you perceive those facts to lead to something positive. Moreover, it exists because you require a better end result. In other words, because you want it.

I remember my teacher always said, 'IF' is the most useless word in the english dictionary. Coz everything that is about to happen rests on that 'IF'. To hope is kind of like 'IF'-ing, only you're not saying it, but your hoping it. It is just as hopeless. Heh, the irony of calling hope, being hopeless.

It's only natural to hope though, and almost all the times, its the only thing that shall make people go. Allah has asked us to hope for the best from HIM. Our hopes belong to HIM. But most of all, in times of any adversity, Allah reminds us that He will only push us to what we can handle. Also, whatever happens, happens by His decree and He does it for the better. That above all is the greatest Hope one can hold on to. The surest hope. And even when things dont turn right, you know that if you havent gone crazy yet, you can still take in more. What doesnt kill you, makes you stronger right?

Quote of the Day : Man is so weak, so brittle, so feeble. But that's all in his head. Its all psychological. Its all virtual.

MAD WORLD

Gears of War - OST

All around me are familiar faces,
Worn out places,
Worn out faces,
Bright and early for the daily races,
Going nowhere,
Going nowhere,
Their tears are filling up their glasses,
No expression,
No expression,
Hide my head I wanna drown my sorrow,
No tomorrow,
No tomorrow,
And I find it kind of funny,
I find it kind of sad,
The dreams in which I'm dying are the best I've ever had,
I find it hard to tell you,
I find it hard to take,
When people run in circles,
It's a very very,
Mad world,
Mad world,
Children waiting for the day they feel good,
Happy birthday,
Happy birthday,
And I feel the way that every child should,
Sit and listen,
Sit and listen,
Went to school and I was very nervous,
No one knew me,
No one knew me,
Hello teacher tell me what's my lesson,
Look right through me,
Look right through me,
And I find it kind of funny,
I find it kind of sad,
The dreams in which I'm dying are the best I've ever had,
I find it hard to tell you,
I find it hard to take,
When people run in circles,
It's a very very,
Mad world,
Mad world,
Enlarging your world,
Mad world

So freaking real, and whats even more lovely; its for GEARS OF WAR - the best looking game to date. and oh yeah did i mention? I own an x360 now :D thankyou :D Alhumdulillah .. :D

I stood casually facing the sun, the light soothing my eyes and dancing off the waves below. The wind blew in my direction. Pleasantly cold, enveloping my body. Everything feels nice.

The clouds scurry to cover the suns torturous sides, while the wind blows stronger. I hear the birds struggling against the breeze, facing the air like me. And from between the track breaks on my mp3 player I hear the boat gently splash water against the bank. The evening dawns modestly on the creek of Dubai.

A ferry honks to the seagulls above me, but the gentle creatures have found love with a couple sitting on the bench. They chew on their shawaramahs while throwing bits of grilled chicken up in the air for the quick ones to catch. Shawarmah? you say, not your typical romantic meal, but when in love, they could'nt be bothered.

Another couple stands beside me, leaning on the railings, taking in the calm and sounds of a cool evening.

The shawarmah couple leave the bench taking the white ones along with them. My playlist's done and I needed to rewind the to the music. I take their place while the other couple passes me by. I pull out my psp and struggle to get Daft Punk back on, squinting through the hair blocking my eyes.

A lonesome elderly boat captain carries his own struggle, requesting passerbys to take a trip round the creek. Never a more perfect moment, but it seemed his could be customers were at peace where they were.

White tourist folks arrive upon another quite ferry trip. Snapping pictures with a fat lensed camera. Their silk blonde hair uncontrollable in the air, and faces visual of natural pleasure.

Heh, the boatman's got a catch. 2 couples, one young and the other seems like their parents they dont want to miss the opportunity.

And the seagulls are back again, fluttering even stronger. Its 4'o clock now, Wahaj should be out of his misery any time now. Its time to leave.

I get up and walk ahead. All music just stops...

the natural sounds come rushing in place of trance.

and a split second later, there's a loud 'PHATAACK!'

_____________________________________

As the wind blows harder and the bobbing boat creates a a louder splash; my eyes move below to where the unnatural sound had eminated from.

Against the bi-colored brick floor lay my PSP in 2 pieces.

_____________________________________

And I was like WHAT THE, ZOOO EMMMM EFFF JEEEEE!!!

OMG OMG OMG OH MY GAWD,

NAAAAAAAAaaaaaaaaaaaaaoooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooouuuuuuuu!

_____________________________________

Thank GOD my PSP was allright. The 2 pieces were the battery and the main console!. Alhumdulillah I am so blessed. My trip to the wildlife ends NOW NOW NOW! and so does my romantic touch with nature!!

I love my die cast glossy plastic, blunt copper wires and liquid crystal display!

_____________________________________

The Post (Part 2&3)

The Post (Part 2)

Yesterday was the first day at work and ZOOOMEFFFG it was hella hard to get by the day. The nausea that had been created by the nostalgic feeling of being at that same old client the same way i switched life to KPMG almost 6 months ago. My vomits were within my stomach.

Ugh.. it forced me to visualise life 5 yrs down the lane and I could not bring myself to the realisation that I could actually follow up numbers in the way my seniors do. Uff the jargon, the ultimate mess of everything thats accounted for. I am so not doing 9-5 all of my life. I need to entreprenaur into something and be my own, where I dont need to worry about what to account for except the profits that I make. Where I wont need to wake up early in the morning and report at 8:30 sharp. Where I would sit late only because I am having fun at my own work, for my own sake. Self employment is the way to go. and inshALLAH I will too!

Sometimes I look at my dad, or others in my family and I just wonder. HOW, HOW HOW? could they have stayed in the same office with the same people for a life their children havent out grown. I get sick working at the same client for 2 months. And I shit you not, I have become a resident auditor for the shitiest client for almost 4 months. OH GAWD! May Allah Help. !

______________________________________

The Post (Part 3)

3rd day at the office, that I did not go to.

Yes I bunked it today. I called in sick. I was actually but I knew I could get better.

Last night I had an excellent meeting with a group of game enthusiasts. Really got me pumping as much as the blood that rushes in the marines of Gears of War. I just needed an unorthodox break. Something out of the ordinary. So as much as work scared me, I know I can go back tomorrow with a grin and get ready to kick so client butt.

Seriously, things are so painfully soring. I mean there's been so many times that I think WTF maan I dont do this anymore, only because I dont have the time. Like just right now I am chatting with a friend of mine and we used to spend all nights just talking talking talking, but now it's like I feel I'm staying away. Its not on purpose, but it just doesnt fit the plan.

Plan, can go suck it self.

Although, this evening I realised; I should bloody put in my 100 into work. I aint doing anything else. Then again, I could've. Oh the dilemma.

I know for a fact though. InshALLAH tomorrow, I am gonna WORK. My quality which has come considerably down since the past 2 days, is gonna up itself. Lets be sincere for a while.

AMEN to all of that!

Quote of the day: No 2 routes lead to the same destination.

The Post (Part 1)

So, I am free today. Problem?

Well yeah so I usually aint, but this is my day off. I have been sleeping and jumping around for the past 2 days after my exams; which by the way are nothing worth talking about except ofcourse TAX was the worst paper I have ever done in my life; yes thank you.

Tomorrow I say tata! to life and back to KPMG. Seriously, its that bad. Nonetheless, I hope it stays calm for another 3 months atleast. Even my classes wont be on so there is no escape when they want to make you sit late.

Its winter here again, or well, spring as the 'gora people' would know it. Coz it really isnt as cold, but its cold for desert standards, so its winter and u can shut your stupid trap. It's raining right now, but I know it'll stop when i stop. It always does. Even then though, the sun's got alot of time out now days. SubhanALLAH its awesome weather nonetheless.

I havent done the 'walk-along-the-corniche-alone/with friends-listening-to-favourite-tracks/trance-or-talking'. But very soon, before the coolness dries off this small city. InshALLAH.

Oh in even cooler news, my ultimate buddy's been bit with the blogspace keera. Wahaj's here and he's at www.merehalaat.blogspot.com. *tch I would need to change my links again - more work - hmm yaare yare*

And why do you think there are PART's to this post. Coz well I shall take ANIME BREAKS and CLEAN BREAKS before i post the other parts, so yeah there will be parts.

Quote of the day:- Welcome back Subhana, thankyou for using the internet :)!

PS: Gah, the sun's on duty again! grrrr... !

the horribly timed post

So I thought, just before Google traces back on the byte hogging in active webspaces its bought from Blogspot.com and clicks them into oblivion; I'll write a post. Like all other. Not like no other. SONY

ha ah :P

*lame machine revs with excitement*

Anyhu, dont confuse this post with a regular LUDA Fixation. I am just wasting time in the morning so that everyone can go out of the house and I can finally get back to study. Yes, BACK to study.

Coz unlike normal human beings; which I was trying to be for over 2 weeks of my study leave; I dont follow the same mental nutritional pattern. I sleep late into the mornings often closer to the afternoon even if I had gone to bed at 11 in the night. And the rest of the time in the evening I was having fun exchanging my revision classes for Casino Royale, or just watching TV. FOR GODS FREAKIN SAKE, I was watching TV. I have watched more movies on the cable in these 2 weeks than what i normally watch in 2 months.

So well, i went back to think about last semester and developed a striking fact!

I STUDY AT NIGHTS!

So well yeah thats what I have been upto studying at nights taking ANIME breaks or something like that and eating alot. :P. My games have taken a step back primarily because I need to enjoy them and not rush them like they were job. Even though they are but whatever :P.

So well. chow chow. Dont ask for more, I'll just give you some.

Quote of the Day:- I dont even know why I used the word time in my post. In my case, I am miles away from that word.

PS The above post was dedicated to Subhana. May you stay cool and may your grand dad get better, Amen! And please stop working at the bottling factory!! :P