LOVE.ANON.

I think I am falling ..

in love with you,

Not the physical kind,

But in love with your mind.

With your ideas and thoughts,

and the intangible nature

of your perspectives

of life and faith

of nature and culture

of dreams and the matrix

And every time you speak,

I hear!

And every time you act,

I cheer!

And all your words,

I hold dear!

________________________________________

We’ve never met.

Neither do I long to.

For human is a master,

of destroying all

that is natural.

And I fear that,

my love for you,

is precariously held,

by the curated settings,

of your privacy filter.

How many do you have?

There are secrets which stay,
Between two hearts;
And those that lie,
Within the folds of one.

The latter is the truth.
The former, a moderation,
Of what's expected,
And acceptable.

And if I were to act on one,
Which one would it be?
For the former, would save me;
But the latter, would set me free.

LuDa

Kahoun dost say .. dost ki baat
kya kya ?

Every weekend ...

... I feel creative.
Every weekday
I regret not having done it.

I'm becoming a much larger consumer than a creator. I must keep the creativity alive. I must blog, paint, sketch and train.

I must.

must!

Moons ago ...

.. I used to frequent this place. Today I just happened to be by. And I'm glad I did.

Just reading this blog backwards, surprises me about things that have happened in my life and how I have narrated about my thoughts, sometimes skillfully, other times just because.

For the past few years, my only writing has been status updates on facebook and really heavy shit for office - the formal report writing and emails..... HOLY SHIT EMAILS! There are days when I'm writing over 100 / day. Even for things like - Okay! Many thanks! Noted! and all that one word messages. But its the status quo, the decorum, the way human decency works.

Anyhu, I see that my most recent post before this is from my extremely anxious time, right before I was getting married.

Guess what?!! Now I'm a father!!!

Indeed I'm getting older, but more in experience than in age I feel.

Nevertheless, this is one of the most amazing experiences in life, ever! All before this, your life, your likes, dislikes, love and what not, are mostly based on past experiences, logic and some hormonal disbalance (in your brain or heart). I'd like to target lover here in particular. I feel like you can claim to and indeed love your parents, your friends, your one and only as much as all the mountains in the world, but as soon as you have that kid; whenhe/she opens their eyes to guesstimate your silhouette, blinks, cries, responds to external stimuli, in your hands, in your boat shaped embrace; there's this automatic spark, which lights up the strangest hormonal imbalance that I've ever experienced. So rich, so world changing, so affirmative.

In short, you haven't loved, until you've had a child. Then and only then, do you realize the power of love. I used to think, what is all this hoo haa about, 'OMG my child, My son! My Daughter! is in pain, is hurt, is dead etc'; but I can clearly see it now, I may probably become an over protective dad.

Khair, I guess this is it for now. I will update more about my realisations of being a father.

Btw, my wife's doing fine, and an incredible job with the kid. She's a genius, mashALLAH!

Quote of the day: You know whats the irony about people who hate children? Their opinions are going to die with them!!

star

Mumma,

Your star is going to burst into flame
without a shine
and fizzle into a sprite
without heat

And all that would be left
is an ugly spec of ash
that is as insignificant as the wind that carries it way

Big Fat Fucking Failure

sometimes i wish, i go to sleep and never wake up.

whats happening to me?

In the corner, lies a foreigner

You see that corner, there

right there ....

you dont? well thats great.

coz thats where I want to go,

hide from this world.

but I'm so fat, you see
they'll always find me.

it seems

When someone goes on life support its only a matter of time. Or a matter of prayers. whichever finishes first.

"He didnt make it,
He left me alone,
He's gone."

as I read the last line, my heart sank into my stomach. My best friend lost his father and left me a message to wonder how he would have felt.

But I couldnt, no body can.

No body can but him.

"May Allah grant your father the place in heaven he deserves and may we all take heed from the wonderful lessons of life."

I WANNA FUCKING BLOW THIS BUILDING AND SHOOT EVERY MOTHER FUCKER THAT TREATS ME AS HIS FUCKING SLAVE!!! FUCK THEM AND FUCK COURTESY!!

X - "You should stop smoking, it will kill you"
Y - "Thats the idea!"

action faker

"Somewhere along the line people have been fooled into believing that life is supposed to be easy. I often work 12+ hours a day, and there are weeks when I work 7 days. I perform my own workout at the crack of dawn. Do I enjoy waking up at 4 AM? Not really, but I get it done. I have a wife and a son, with another on the way next month. I also have dogs, house work, work in the yard, etc. I'm beyond busy. Oh well, thats life. I wont cry about it and feel bad for myself. I wont rush to the local fast food restaurant. I cook much of my food ahead of time. I make time. I find a way. Most people arent trying to make time. They arent making an effort.

We need to stop making excuses for others. People need to stop feeling bad for themselves. Life is tough. Thats a fact. There are good times and bad times. There are action takes and action fakers. There are ultra busy professionals who make time for fitness, while others dont. We all have options, and we all make our own decisions. If someone has made poor decisions, I wouldnt sugarcoat it and console them with more excuses."

- Ross Enamiat

I need to become an action taker. inshALLAH. Please O Allah, give me the will, the determination and the strength to see me through these bad health habits!!- Amen.

sometimes

sometimes i wish i was involved in a freak accident,

and i survive it,

but stay in bed for atleast a month,

so i could get some peace,

and some time,

for myself

Each night, I drive alone,
through the dead streets,
and the living neon,

I see a troop of dancing lights
singing songs of uncomplished love and life

and to subside my pain of loss
i close my eyes to imagine a place

where my thoughts are smoke
and my mystery is you.

Step 2

As he stepped away from the long embrace, his watery eyes reflected aspirations of good fortune and a great future!

And in the eyes of his family he could make out mixed feelings of sadness and happiness. But above all, he saw hope. Hope that he'd impregnated in their hearts from the moment he was born.

Just like that, the arch below his nose, firmed into a straight line and the water slid down his eye lids. His cheeks construed his jaws, clenched with tenacity. He did not smile; his determination stood straight in the cold breeze that whisked the tears from his face into the open air lounge.

He had that look; the one where, the careless laughter escapes to give way to smiles of affirmation; and tears act as fuel for self confidence.

He let his fingers slid off the lingering hands that held them. He turned around, and with that last touch of comfort and the incessant feeling of responsibility, he lifted his bag across his shoulder

It felt light.

jerk

its 2:16 am in the morning. 1'st December. I force myself through a yawn and my spectacles are still on the side of my bed. Its where I was reading The Reluctant Fundamentalist by Mohsin Hamid.

I've been doing alot of reading in the past few months and it only just struck me. A writer writes not by his brain, or his heart or his amazing imagination, as much he writes by experience. Each book lends a window into the lives of the authors they are written by. And by that logic, each writer is best known for a type of book.

I might be wrong to generalise, but John Grisham's forte is thriller, John Green's forte is young adult stories (with a touch of teen psychology), and where as Dan Brown's stories have much to do with secret societies all around the world; JK Rowling's set pieces are all in United Kingdom.

One could imagine how it smells and how it tastes and how it looks and maybe also how certain something feels like. But to imagine, and to actually know are two extremely different things. Imagination might be more important than knowledge, but the experience is an absolute fact in its tangible form.

I'm in no way down playing the importance of imagination. I am all up for the kalaidescopic hypertrophy of the cerebral. Then again, I feel that the passion the love and the reality with which one can elucidate a situation, an event or even an object by virtue of self experience is an all together different story (pun intended). It has an idiosyncracy that is individual, yet affliliates itself to the IMAGINATION of the people reading the literature, in an uncanny way.

But doesnt that seem like a paradox?

Nevertheless, what excited me and forced me to type through my sleep (which has been lost due to the excitement), is the simple fact, that words can play magic if you're willing to listen.

But more importantly, I know I have experienced things which only I can write about. And they're true to my opinions, my way of interpretation and the way I feel about it. I remember my Urdu teacher used to tell me that she kept a book always with her and whenever an idea, aor a thought struck her, she'd note it down. That was one of the reasons why I bought a keypad phone in the first place.

And so that leads to a simple fact, that I must keep doing what I love best. Write.

(and sketch also).

Quote of the Day : Maybe I should document my life. If not for anyone else, but myself.

its 2:57 am now, 1st of December

Maktab e Ishq

Maktab e Ishq ka dastoor niraala dekha

Ussay chuttee na milee, jis nay sabaq yaad kiya.

Arz o samaa kahan tairee wus3at ko paaa sakain?

Mera hi dil hai jis mein TU samaa sakay

in a state....

maybe am crazy, I dont know, but I'm suffocating.

the sensation that your heart is being enveloped by your drying, airless lungs

and i dont even know that guy, like .. not even seen him. I just learnt his name a few hours ago; when the first news broke about his death.

His friend told me they chatted about setting up a football match a day ago; and now he's vanished. Poof! GonE!

makes me realise, am I prepared for this? God's given me the manual to follow; but I've never bothered to refer. not yet.

procrastination.

but God doesnt procrastinate.

never.

He drowned in a swimming pool. perfectly healthy, perfectly athletic.

perfectly dead.

All i can do sitting here is pray that Allah has mercy on his soul. And that we, moreso I, get my ways right.

Inna lillahi wa inna ilayhi raji'un

/S

complacent

Funny that we've dared to love each other
And we long to meet each other

Yet we're scared to face each other

I guess we're complacent, with our existence in the same room.