LuDa Classifieds

In the corner, lies a foreigner

2011-12-28T03:39:00.000-08:00

You see that corner, there

right there ....

you dont? well thats great.

coz thats where I want to go,

hide from this world.

but I'm so fat, you see
they'll always find me.

it seems

2011-12-21T13:46:00.000-08:00

When someone goes on life support its only a matter of time. Or a matter of prayers. whichever finishes first.

"He didnt make it,
He left me alone,
He's gone."

as I read the last line, my heart sank into my stomach. My best friend lost his father and left me a message to wonder how he would have felt.

But I couldnt, no body can.

No body can but him.

"May Allah grant your father the place in heaven he deserves and may we all take heed from the wonderful lessons of life."

2011-06-30T02:14:00.001-07:00

I WANNA FUCKING BLOW THIS BUILDING AND SHOOT EVERY MOTHER FUCKER THAT TREATS ME AS HIS FUCKING SLAVE!!! FUCK THEM AND FUCK COURTESY!!

2011-05-24T05:18:00.000-07:00

X - "You should stop smoking, it will kill you"
Y - "Thats the idea!"

action faker

2011-05-11T23:08:00.000-07:00

"Somewhere along the line people have been fooled into believing that life is supposed to be easy. I often work 12+ hours a day, and there are weeks when I work 7 days. I perform my own workout at the crack of dawn. Do I enjoy waking up at 4 AM? Not really, but I get it done. I have a wife and a son, with another on the way next month. I also have dogs, house work, work in the yard, etc. I'm beyond busy. Oh well, thats life. I wont cry about it and feel bad for myself. I wont rush to the local fast food restaurant. I cook much of my food ahead of time. I make time. I find a way. Most people arent trying to make time. They arent making an effort.

We need to stop making excuses for others. People need to stop feeling bad for themselves. Life is tough. Thats a fact. There are good times and bad times. There are action takes and action fakers. There are ultra busy professionals who make time for fitness, while others dont. We all have options, and we all make our own decisions. If someone has made poor decisions, I wouldnt sugarcoat it and console them with more excuses."

- Ross Enamiat

I need to become an action taker. inshALLAH. Please O Allah, give me the will, the determination and the strength to see me through these bad health habits!!- Amen.

sometimes

2011-03-05T13:43:00.000-08:00

sometimes i wish i was involved in a freak accident,

and i survive it,

but stay in bed for atleast a month,

so i could get some peace,

and some time,

for myself

2011-02-24T07:31:00.000-08:00

Each night, I drive alone,
through the dead streets,
and the living neon,

I see a troop of dancing lights
singing songs of uncomplished love and life

and to subside my pain of loss
i close my eyes to imagine a place

where my thoughts are smoke
and my mystery is you.

Step 2

2010-12-19T22:41:00.000-08:00

As he stepped away from the long embrace, his watery eyes reflected aspirations of good fortune and a great future!

And in the eyes of his family he could make out mixed feelings of sadness and happiness. But above all, he saw hope. Hope that he'd impregnated in their hearts from the moment he was born.

Just like that, the arch below his nose, firmed into a straight line and the water slid down his eye lids. His cheeks construed his jaws, clenched with tenacity. He did not smile; his determination stood straight in the cold breeze that whisked the tears from his face into the open air lounge.

He had that look; the one where, the careless laughter escapes to give way to smiles of affirmation; and tears act as fuel for self confidence.

He let his fingers slid off the lingering hands that held them. He turned around, and with that last touch of comfort and the incessant feeling of responsibility, he lifted his bag across his shoulder

It felt light.

jerk

2010-11-30T14:15:00.000-08:00

its 2:16 am in the morning. 1'st December. I force myself through a yawn and my spectacles are still on the side of my bed. Its where I was reading The Reluctant Fundamentalist by Mohsin Hamid.

I've been doing alot of reading in the past few months and it only just struck me. A writer writes not by his brain, or his heart or his amazing imagination, as much he writes by experience. Each book lends a window into the lives of the authors they are written by. And by that logic, each writer is best known for a type of book.

I might be wrong to generalise, but John Grisham's forte is thriller, John Green's forte is young adult stories (with a touch of teen psychology), and where as Dan Brown's stories have much to do with secret societies all around the world; JK Rowling's set pieces are all in United Kingdom.

One could imagine how it smells and how it tastes and how it looks and maybe also how certain something feels like. But to imagine, and to actually know are two extremely different things. Imagination might be more important than knowledge, but the experience is an absolute fact in its tangible form.

I'm in no way down playing the importance of imagination. I am all up for the kalaidescopic hypertrophy of the cerebral. Then again, I feel that the passion the love and the reality with which one can elucidate a situation, an event or even an object by virtue of self experience is an all together different story (pun intended). It has an idiosyncracy that is individual, yet affliliates itself to the IMAGINATION of the people reading the literature, in an uncanny way.

But doesnt that seem like a paradox?

Nevertheless, what excited me and forced me to type through my sleep (which has been lost due to the excitement), is the simple fact, that words can play magic if you're willing to listen.

But more importantly, I know I have experienced things which only I can write about. And they're true to my opinions, my way of interpretation and the way I feel about it. I remember my Urdu teacher used to tell me that she kept a book always with her and whenever an idea, aor a thought struck her, she'd note it down. That was one of the reasons why I bought a keypad phone in the first place.

And so that leads to a simple fact, that I must keep doing what I love best. Write.

(and sketch also).

Quote of the Day : Maybe I should document my life. If not for anyone else, but myself.

its 2:57 am now, 1st of December

Maktab e Ishq

2010-08-04T06:29:00.001-07:00

Maktab e Ishq ka dastoor niraala dekha

Ussay chuttee na milee, jis nay sabaq yaad kiya.

Arz o samaa kahan tairee wus3at ko paaa sakain?

Mera hi dil hai jis mein TU samaa sakay

in a state....

2010-07-21T07:18:00.000-07:00

maybe am crazy, I dont know, but I'm suffocating.

the sensation that your heart is being enveloped by your drying, airless lungs

and i dont even know that guy, like .. not even seen him. I just learnt his name a few hours ago; when the first news broke about his death.

His friend told me they chatted about setting up a football match a day ago; and now he's vanished. Poof! GonE!

makes me realise, am I prepared for this? God's given me the manual to follow; but I've never bothered to refer. not yet.

procrastination.

but God doesnt procrastinate.

never.

He drowned in a swimming pool. perfectly healthy, perfectly athletic.

perfectly dead.

All i can do sitting here is pray that Allah has mercy on his soul. And that we, moreso I, get my ways right.

Inna lillahi wa inna ilayhi raji'un

/S

complacent

2010-07-02T02:30:00.000-07:00

Funny that we've dared to love each other
And we long to meet each other

Yet we're scared to face each other

I guess we're complacent, with our existence in the same room.

one day

2010-06-28T07:03:00.000-07:00

I'll empty my heart here.

My anonymity will not last much

But my subconciousness will

and it'll hold onto what you never said

in hopes that you wake it up.

one day.

soldiers of death

2010-05-22T03:54:00.000-07:00

everytime I run, I vow I'll leave them
but the twenty soldiers of death come marching,
burning on one end and ready on the other
and I submit to their cause.

its the 100th post YAY! -

2010-05-11T14:00:00.000-07:00

so I've hit a century of mindless banter. I am going to celebrate this one with a poem. might now go well with many people; but i think its allright.

I am not a prophet by S. Zafar

I'm not a prophet,
Lest, I was sent as one.
But the scriptures betrayed us,
Strapped with brothers and guns.

Unfaithful their promises,
The hives have won.
Yet, the illusion remains constant;
of gods and none.

Sympathy may stay hither,
Tither pointless, revenge;
Sons of the fallen,
Have failed to avenge.

And in my sorcery
I soar above the donkey man
Then my weapon is fiction
The magic of neverland.

Lies wrapped in lust,
their Greed transceds.
ever ready to fail
and ready to condemn

So stray your implore from me
There's no wisdom i share.
Only light in the abcences of darkness
and darkness in the presence of itself.

cut it.bitch.

2010-05-11T06:28:00.000-07:00

we cut our dreams with a cleaver

and drown our thoughts so deep;

that all we're left, is the essential

ability to survive and breathe.

them

2010-05-03T13:58:00.000-07:00

So I realised something astonishing about myself. Something I had no idea I was deeply drenched in; until ofcourse when I went to the washroom this morning.

As usual my mind had been wandering and I happened to reflect upon the latest fight I had with a friend. A close friend, I might add.

I realised that from the time I start getting close to a person, my insecurities about the mutual relationship begin to surface and grow with time. Infact, more easily put, my insecurities are directly proportional to the closeness of my relationships.

Some may suggest this as 'opening up'; but mine are generally related to 'wanting more attention and care from you - dear xyz'. Incidently, I want THEIR world to revolve around me. Even moreso, I start expecting stuff which they never signed up for.

And the realisation that they dont realise, saddens me. And I go about pissing them off; Just to see their reaction; or making them hurt - whatever works really. self satisfaction. Therefore, I become a self involved, self centered, narcisistic and sarcastic little whiner aka a woman.

What do I learn from this? Well,
a) I am insecure about my best friends caring too much about others
b) I am also self centered and all of that above
c) I am scared of this realisation

The irony is though, I havent made up my mind, whether I should change. And in case I dont, the logical effect would be a straining of relationships in question.

Finally though, the Break Point shall be when; either I'll be too pissed to make ammends; or they'll be too frustrated to take my shit!

Quote of the day :-
Promise to god I'll break your heart.
Tear you to pieces and rip you apart. (30 seconds to mars)

PS: Seriously though, I believe I should keep a check on my opening up/insecurity ratio. Basically, I must learn never to expect ('tis not going to be easy).

a non doer

2010-04-11T23:49:00.000-07:00

yet the fugger in you; was an asshole at birth
and right about now, you recognize it.

You identify its failings, and you characterize its characteristics.
Stinks like shit I tell you; but you must do it.

Only to plan it out on paper; and write it on a book.
in hopes of changing, evolving, the bastard that’s’ plagued your existence.

And then you wait...

… For fuck knows what.

2010-02-22T14:07:00.000-08:00

... and with all your comments, I'll make a big jar of tasty achaar!
and eat it whole with chawal and daal
coz that is all, what you say, is worth
to be my shit, and out o'my girth.

GEEK LOVE

2010-02-13T12:29:00.000-08:00

Before I press the button
and let myself lose

I gather all my courage
and place a question for you

Will you be,
My Player 2?

Quote of the day :- Love is in the air ....
breathe ....

... Continued from last post

2010-01-31T14:55:00.000-08:00

Its funny how life experiences can completely change you.

Transform your bolstering confidence into a bag of marshmallows; break a heartless bastard to weep tears of pain and convert a loveless heart ... to believe.

Its hard to imagine then, that there is no God in this world.

Quote of the day:-

.. before you, I did'nt

after you, I dont want to ..

decoy dream

2010-01-17T10:29:00.000-08:00

Suddenly, the world seems so peaceful, everything so silent ... calm and cool. Even the breeze steers itself around the yearning bodies. Like the whole universe has held its breath in quiet anticipation, to listen to the imminent unspoken secret.

Suddenly, all that matters in the world, lies between our arms, wrapped around each other ....... inside our hearts.

And just as suddenly; we break ..... to descend in reality.

life ..

2010-01-13T11:50:00.000-08:00

life's an explicit whore,
leave them kids behind.

2009-10-10T13:26:00.001-07:00

X : So, am I to think that what happened was BULLSHIT?

Y : It is now.

excerpts from life ...

2009-10-04T10:43:00.000-07:00

.. the place was stuffed with over grown jailbait;
and people who didnt know what to do on a thursday night.
So they danced ...

.. a hundred muscles to call you,
a million more not to ...

.. addiction is a funny thing,
you think it'll never happen to you,
until you're craving for a smoke break ...

Quote of the day :- If you only have a hammer, you see all your problems as nails - anon.

2009-09-24T00:07:00.000-07:00

As much as I love being alone

I dont feel like it, this time.

at office ...

2009-08-24T12:59:00.000-07:00

this comic describes exactly the way i sometimes feel at the office. Replace LEASE with responsibility / WORK.

2009-08-13T18:58:00.001-07:00

you're out of touch,

and I'm out of time.

miniature bliss packets

2009-08-10T15:14:00.000-07:00

He unsealed the black box from its plastic covering and opened the lid. The aroma of 'carefully selected tobacco, blended to perfection' hit him and brought about an unlikely calm.

He placed the filtered end of the white tube on the edge of his lips, inhaled deeply, and lit up the other end. The first drag burnt his insides with a pain he'd come to terms with.

The tea arrived in time for him to grease the inners of his esophagus with its warmth. The second drag was alot smoother, as his lungs adjusted to the smoke and his nerves calmed around the misty intruder.

He sucked on the filter another time, while the light on the other end came closer. The ecstacy finally started to settle, as his head spun for the first time. He was only half way through and the thought that there is another half to go, made him smile. He rushed another sip of the hot liquid down his throat, eager for the next drag, a better buzz.

His lips quivered now, as he released the smoke from behind his teeth. The sensation had begun its ascention into his head. Slowly taking over, like a gentle lover. Sweet and mysterious.

As his hands fell to his sides, his fingers trembeled with the rush. The warm breeze of midnight forced him to stare down at his own shadow; depicting a man who's grown obese with time and weak with cheap thrills. He glanced back up as his silhouette danced in the luminescence of speeding headlights.

With the light so close, that he could touch it with his fingers; he inhaled a deep last draft and let the lungs absorb the nicotine. His head spun again and his body buzzed with goosebumps. Just like he imagined!

He shifted his weight to the other leg, dropping the burnt roll of paper on the floor - still sparkling with hope; he let the radiance live.

And as he walked away, abandoning his semi filled foam cup of tea, he smiled to himself;

'sometimes you want to sleep with the taste'.

2009-07-29T05:02:00.000-07:00

suffocation in oxygen

Quote of the day

2009-07-03T16:09:00.000-07:00

Quote #2
Friend :- its sleek ... sexy ... sharp ... n saad :P

Quote #1
Friend :- I added him on facebook to see if he's real.

2009-06-29T16:04:00.001-07:00

I dont care about you,
I dont care about anyone,
I dont care about what they think.

I do it for myself,
I do it coz I want to prove it to myself.

and nothing else matters.

2009-05-15T14:59:00.000-07:00

every story's broken
every one's in pain

- fuck me I'm emo.

2009-04-27T18:13:00.000-07:00

Dont tell me what I cant do,
I know myself better than anybody else
And if I fail,
I'll learn something new.

USE

2009-04-16T08:45:00.000-07:00

B1 - MAAAAN I am so in love with this song. I mean I can just not get it out of my head man .. I mean its like drugs .. I just want it to go on and on.

G1 - Ahaan

B1 - You know, thats the thing with me, I have this phase. I keep listening to a song or an artist over and over and over again. On and on .. until I've sucked every last drop of pleasure and excitement out of it .. and then I kinda you know .. meh. BUT THEN, ages later i come back to it again .. and you know the drill.

G1 - but that's bad na? I mean ....

B1 - what's bad about that? I can listen to whatever I want to whenever I want to. ITS A FREE WORLD HUN! Aint no stopping .....

G1 - but dont you think you do the same thing with people?

B1 - ........... err .... what? ....

u like some cheez.

2009-04-12T02:00:00.000-07:00

I know that maybe a day / week / month from now I am going to look at this and go like .. DOOD WTF? SERIOUSLY WTF? but for the time being ... here's some ultimate cheeze mateez.

I welcome your revolution
The substitution of your thoughts
My place in your heart enjoys some change
A relocation to a better spot

And how you smile it makes me weak
And how you wonder what I need
The excitement in the way you listen
Your anticipation to hear me speak

And how you want us to be forever
How you never want this to change
And how you never tell me the way you’re feeling
But you want me to appreciate

Oh you’ve become the one I wanted
Oh you’ve become what I’d imagined in my head
Oh how I cant stop from falling in love again
Again in love with your new self.

How you’ve lost your reservations
And the attitude of stones
And how you want to talk about everything
In my head you’ve begun to unfold

The way you hate it when I am going
And how you miss me when I am gone
The jealousy that is so reflective
The possessive nature of your love

Oh you’ve become the one I wanted
Oh you’ve become what I’d imagined in my head
Oh how I cant stop from falling in love again
Again in love with your new self.

But I take a step back from this place
And cynic on this happy phase
There is nothing that I’ve done different
What has brought about this change?

Oh you’ve become the one I wanted
Oh you’ve become what I’d imagined in my head
But I cant help thinking you’re faking this
Why do you love me now this way?

Oh you’ve become the one I wanted
Oh you’ve become what I’d imagined in my head
Oh how I cant stop from falling in love again
Again in love with your new self.
But I cant help thinking you’re faking this
Why do you love me now this way?

and yes there is a tune to this. oh god. I am already contemplating the post.

The Honest Scrap

2009-04-11T14:59:00.000-07:00

Before I begin, I'd like to apologise to Siras, coz I think something similar she tagged me to, earlier, and I was too busy to complete that. I hope this one here shall suffice the previous requisitions.

hmm.

first off (as copied off Drama Queen's blog) the RULES

The rules of the award:

• Choose a minimum of 7 blogs that you find brilliant in content or design.
• Show the 7 winners names and links on your blog, and leave a comment informing them that they were prized with "Honest Scrap." Well, there's no prize, but they can keep the nifty icon.
• List at least 10 honest things about yourself.

Since its 2 in the morning and I have work tomorrow I shall tag other innocent bloggies later.

for now...

here goes nothing ..

DISCLAIMER - SOME OF THESE FACTS ARE JUST DOWN RIGHT DISGUSTING (like this next one) YOU HAVE BEEN WARNED

Number 10
I am a tension farter - I've said this before, but when I am in tension (specially during the time when they're taking the papers from us during the exams) I fart. Not so much farting at the office though.

Number 9
I am a tension hogger - When I heard my aunt's met a serious accident, what's the first thing I do? I stop my car and have a Shawarmah. Yes I hog when I am a distressed.

Number 8
I am fat and hairy - and i know it :P

Number 7
I have bunked work many times, and even then not reporting to the staff about my absence. I mean thats what bunking is right, otherwise its a leave. :P

Number 6
I love playing video games and criticizing them, but I am generally not very good at them.

Number 5
Even though I say I am not, I am actually very sensitive (hides face).

Number 4
Regretably, I hurt the people closest to me the most and with great cruelty. In fact these are the only people who I even show an attitude to. I am such a pig. Then again you can only hurt people who are close to you, other's wud prolly just shrug it off their shoulder.

Number 3
I am scared of taking decisions that may CHANGE the normal course of things. In other words, I am afraid to take the leap of faith.

Number 2
I always try to see the other side of the story, even if it involves my family, friends or evem GOD and religion for that matter.

Number 1
I was a better person

(to be updated)

Nothing in my way

2009-03-28T15:14:00.000-07:00

How can they have a song for every god damned THING?

presenting, - Nothing in my way - Keane

A turning tide
Lovers at a great divide
Why d'you laugh?
When I know that you're hurt inside?

And why'd you say
It's just another day, nothing in my way
I don't wanna go, I don't wanna stay
So there's nothing left to say?
And why'd you lie
When you wanna die, when you're hurt inside
Don't know what you lie for anyway
Now there's nothing left to say

A tell-tale sign
You don't know where to draw the line

And why'd you say
It's just another day, nothing in my way
I don't wanna go, I don't wanna stay
So there's nothing left to say
And why'd you lie
When you wanna die, when you're hurt inside
Don't know what you lie for anyway
Now there's nothing left to say

Well for a lonely soul, you're having such a nice time
For a lonely soul, you're having such a nice time
For a lonely soul, it seems to me that you're having such a nice time
You're having such a nice time

(Just...)
For a lonely soul, you're having such a nice time
(...another day, nothing in my way, I..)
For a lonely soul, you're having such a nice time
(...don't wanna go, I don't wanna stay. just..)
For a lonely soul, it seems to me that you're having such a nice time
(... another day, nothing in my way; Don't know what you lie for...)
You're having such a nice time
(...anyway)

I am in half a mind to buy both their albums. The best british act since coldplay in my opinion. oh yeah also listen to Somewhere only we know, ultimate.

....

2009-03-26T13:56:00.000-07:00

He stretched out his hand and said in an affirming tone, "if you're not afraid to change, if you're willing to forget, if you're ready to leave them 'coz you dont care about anyone but yourself, your ideas, your motives and your life; then walk with me. The path is dangerous and you shall be bruised, but you'll be fine as long as you've got me".

My decision was swift.

I grabbed his hand and asked his name.

"Ego", he said.

the man in the suit

2009-03-24T09:45:00.000-07:00

hello, rise and shine
the sun's in on time
you get up from your bed
in a suit.

You're aware of almost every bit
of conscience you must lug with
diamonds and their districts
in a suit.

you're smiling and you're crying,
you're hiding but denying,
you're amazing but you're lying
in your suit.

you tread into the beaches
with Armani and your Ginches
you're bathing in the water
in your suit.

you're up when it is dark,
and you're there after the hour,
you even walk around the park
in your suit.

you're smoking while you're breathing
you're loving but you're cheating
teasing and displeasing,
in your suit.

you disgust me
and you know well
and its never hard to tell
but you love the way it smells
in your suit.

you're craving,
not believing,
you love the silky feeling,
your hand inside the pocket
of your suit.

you're burning from within,
with the heat that is discerning,
its melting your life but never your heart.

'coz you're ageing and you're breaking
not now but you'll be fading
you're dieing in the warmth
of your suit.

2009-03-02T13:08:00.000-08:00

its odd really, that that person is soo good, such an amazing human being, that its impossible to hate them.

And you know the case is true with everyone who knows them.

And how you wish you could help them, be of use to them, when they are a little unfortunate.

Yet all the people they ever knew are there for them

Makes you feel like you dont need to be there.

They obviously dont need your help.

thankyou very much.

there comes a time ...

2009-02-02T13:09:00.001-08:00

when i look back at my life and say to myself,

DOOD WTF?>>>

and then i look ahead at what the future holds, and say,

DOOD WTF?>>>

virtual scream

2009-01-12T11:14:00.001-08:00

uuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuugggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggghhhhhhhh

aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa

AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA

AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA

AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA

AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA

AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA

AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA

AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA

AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaauuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu

hhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh.....

i hate this.

m3h -

2008-12-23T13:15:00.001-08:00

51% Geek

Created by OnePlusYou - Free Online Dating

I WANT MOOOOAAAAARRR!!!

12 am - 23rd december 08

2008-12-22T13:04:00.000-08:00

3 days to christmas,

not that that matters.

I unlocked the door to chachoo's home, dragging my laptop with me. But i wasnt going to sit low today.

I havent felt as lost and confused in a long time. As pissed at myself and as saddened by the state of affairs that the sorrow suffocates me.

So I release the knot on my tie and slip out the suit. Jump into a sweatshirt and tracks and charge my mp3 player while I cross the laces on my joggers.

Its cold outside, but I need to feel the wind from some place other than my driver's seat window. And as I step outside, I place the earphones where they should be.

Take ... me home

In time you will come to love me, like one of your own.

Take ... me home

With you ....

Noone else knows me like you do ... - Above and Beyond (noone else)

As I ran into the wind, the feeling of belonging accentuated. I hadnt done this for a while. Not in a long time.

I sprinted further. Loving the feeling. For a few minutes I was in a state of trance.

My lungs began to pain. I dont know whether it was the frozen air inside them or the result of the ciggarettes I sucked earlier in the evening.

But my legs werent laggard, and so I pushed myself further.

Release yourself, its a big sky

Reveal yourself, its a big sky - John o Callaghan and Audrey Gallagher (big sky)

I didnt reach epiphany. The increased weight of depression eating slowed me down. But in my heart I was calm.

Breath in this moment - its come and gone

Further and faster through your soul

Open your eyes embrace the dawn

Open your mind

Oh, oh. - John o Callaghan and Audrey Gallagher (big sky)

Yet in my head the tempest raged.

Quote of the day : You gain and you lose, thats the balance of life.

Dala - Fortress

2008-11-27T15:13:00.000-08:00

So I was bored at my cuzn's place and he had this new tv series downloaded - Flashpoint. Some random canadian police drama.

ANYHU, here's the ending track, which is awesome; yes.

And I will watch you disappear
From my fortress over here
And I will never understand
Every heart's a foreign land

And I'm so afraid to, so afraid to
Love you

And I will turn my eyes away
From the harsh light of your day
And I have slept through pouring rain
It was all that kept me sane

And I'm so afraid to, so afraid to
Love you

And I have drawn lines in the sand
To remind us where we stand
And I build castles while you thirst
They'll fall down but you'll fall first

And I'm so afraid to, so afraid to
Love you
Love you
Love you

flip

2008-11-20T06:22:00.000-08:00

She said it with such unnerving calm; the news hit like a bat to the face. For a moment there, I froze.

With the book of the Lord in one hand and a rolled up tissue in the other; she tried to concentrate, in order to read, to distract her from her grief. Seeking that one true spirit that has given us Hope on a plate, everytime and anytime.

But as she lost to the eminence grise inside her over and over again; eyes swollen and cheeks wet, I had the urge to hold her hand and press hard. squeezing for strength.

I didnt; it wasnt my place to.

Instead I sat there doing nothing, wondering in awe, how life works like a switch. Flip it and its off.

Inallaha Ma3 Sabireen - (Allah is with those who have patience).

Qoute of the day - once you build your own rules and own walls, you start to realise that within those lines you cannot use your heart. since the walls you built were made of logic, and in the land of logic you need to feel from you head.

2008-11-19T03:35:00.000-08:00

you need to love yourself,

coz if you dont

you wont be able to live with yourself,

and if you cant live with yourself

noone else ever will.

2008-11-16T11:07:00.000-08:00

close your eyes

and be prepared,

take a deep and longing breath.

grasp on air

inside your fists,

squeeze till nails begin to drill.

grit your teeth

and hear the sound,

that resonates inside your head.

Feel the emotions

swell inside your heart,

Hold your impulsions,

thats not the way to start.

Consience will tear you apart.

2008-11-10T12:44:00.000-08:00

...and I will walk

a thousand miles,

just to feel alive...

this past week ..

2008-11-09T11:52:00.000-08:00

.. has been completely like shit.

Even though I love to ramble and trash talk alot, I dont want to say anything. I've repeated it so many times to so many people, even I am getting bored of myself.

But the thing that makes it shittier is the fact that i feel like its shit. Its the fact that I felt so low. I felt so tired. so over worked. so disconnected and introvert. like i was curling up inside myself, slowly, tightly, weeping quietly.

I was pissed off that I felt that way, and well, it didnt make matters any better :P But seriously, WTF?

I was thinking ..

'dood what the hell? HOW CAN I BE SO DOWN and DEAD and TIRED and ANTSY and POOP like... I never feel low on energy ... hell .... I AM ENERGY!!! .. You want energy, I'll shock you and shake you up! .. This was so unreal this bitch.

anyhu, the waters have calmed (and also I've seen the latest 007, which was an action galore of kick ass butt kicking). And I'm feeling like me again.

And at this point I realise I've never thanked a friend, not on this blog. Even though he means so much to me. He's always been there, been the first to know, been the first to show up, been the first to ask, and been the first to reach out and lift me. All I've ever given him is a hug.

Qoute of the day: am so cheap. ;)

like rainfall ...

2008-10-24T06:36:00.001-07:00

my hair falls.

____________________

Now if you've seen me, more often than not I've got long hair covering my head. And if you havent seen me, well, now you know.

So wherever I go, I tend to leave some of my hair everywhere, you know .. just a lil bit for remembrance and giving all the budding black magicians a chance to test their skills. And I am aware that my hair falls. But it wasnt that much really. Until prolly a few months ago when I could see it everywhere, my shirts, my books, office files, my friends when i hugged them ;) ;P. And people started to say, 'dood the hair's awesome but i dont like it on me' :P

But the nail drove in when I sat in the mosque during the Eid khutbah a month and half back scratching my head, trying to understand; and I look at the floor and its like a miniature rainforest down there (the sweat providing the moisture:P). I havent taken any medications or anything to do something to control it, but I can feel it now.

I mean its falling on the drop of a hat. Holy Mother of Jesus! I brush my teeth and they fall!

My aunt tells me I'll get bald in a few years time. Hell as shit! I am 20 years old, now's the time kids my age GROW HAIR, and I am loosing mine!

And I am a pretty chillax dood! I dont even get easily tensed, I mean seriously! I know its in my blood that our families tend to get decolorised in the head faster than many other races, but serious, baldness? noone's bald!

And then i get these people telling me, my hair's falling .... and I am like .. *in my head* .. NO SHIT SIR! REEEELLLEY? WHAT DO U WANT FROM ME THEN, SHUD I STICK IT BACK? HUH ? HUH??!?!? HUHHUHUHUUH?!

I mean I already saw this coming. Its part and parcel of being where I am and what I do. And I knew they'd shed off sooner or later (although this seems very soon). But ALhumdulillah I am enjoying them for as long as they last .. YEAH!

and screw that shit man.

there are somethings you cant control and its best you leave it that way. unless you wanna go ahead do something like Nawaz Shareef did. thats a different story and I am not an exiled politician who drives around in a Rolls Royce Phantom.

sometimes u must admit...

just like the rain falls, babies cry, the sun sets and shit happens. so does hair fall. unlucky *shrugs*

Quote of the day: 'This world's always going to need saving' - Nathan Petrelli - Heroes Season 3

Change

2008-10-16T16:17:00.000-07:00

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=No1MxAnHuJM

have you ever wondered that you were made for more?

for more than what you do and where you are.

for something greater, something bigger.

have you ever wanted to do something?

something to change the world?

to make a difference.

in my heart I feel it,

but in my head I am clueless,

is that crazy?

I hope its crazy enough.

Time is a bullet.

2008-10-08T14:08:00.000-07:00

no?

I clickity clicked through some of the oldest pages of this blog. Probably not all of them, but some very old ones indeed. 2005 I think. 'I saw it again' - read the title.

I am not scared, but its definitely harder to admit now; much has changed. I seemed to have locked that other person inside me, my personal friend; with whom I shared some of the weirdest wildest thoughts and experiences. And yet some so simple, but so extravagant that it made me shiver; now that I went through those posts.

Much has changed indeed, but the silly bit is that the realisation never dawned until right now.

My friend has changed. Or has he? I know their is a competitor alive inside me now, a rival, a critic. Who's pushing me to do it all, to grab it all, to swallow every opportunity whole, to never look back, to never regret, to learn everything, to think everything and to be a hero; in my own right.

Heh, is that even possible?

All this she-bang about maturity. Is this that? To be brave and bold and strong. To endure, to boast and to be the better man. To understand and adhere on the cost of forgeting what I'd learnt, what I'd felt.

Have I lost my own friend; have I changed him? I still believe I have a fantasy within me, but I've yet to experience the same spirit. The spirit of simplicity.

Time is surely a bullet, in both physical and spiritual substances. Its fast. So fast that you'll never know. And in the end, it'll surely take you down; by surprise or not, that is dependant.

Nevertheless, I am glad I've kept this blog. And I hope it survives the financial crisis the world faces today! Flicking through it makes me smile, for the things I used to say and the things I used to believe in. May be I still do. That's mine for the keeps.

I've been better.

:)

2008-10-08T12:14:00.000-07:00

since face book is FAIL.

heres where it belongs

sip on some fear
and candid pity
there goes another day
free of regrets
nil of worry
shielded by subliminal ideas
and actions
without horizons

chew on some thoughts
of colossal proportions
give way to no courtesy
idealize without belief
creed, or justice

and with the regret
that tails the passion
smile with guilty pleasure.

:)

prosthetic imagination

2007-11-28T13:43:00.000-08:00

Remain with me; clear, shine;
I dont need beacons, this tube shall take me there.
Give me nothing, and I'll take neither.

In my steps, I shall stop for none.
They never did for me.

Leave now, dont ask more,
I am stripped, naked, ready,
For you, for them, for anyone
Shining, clear.

God is a Gamer

2007-06-02T14:08:00.001-07:00

Now people who know me, know I love my video games. I play all sorts of stuff, console, handheld, PC. And also, I've been playing since long. I don't quite remember since when, but its been long. But only recently has my head jumbled into alot of game related frenzy. All I am doing online is checking out new stuff, tech related stuff, new graphical shite. Anyways, that's besides the point here.

Very recently, I saw this video, the source to which I am unable to cite here (coz well I've forgotten it). The video was an ode to video gaming. It was very positive for the fact that video games open doors into new ideas, into thoughts, into realms of power beyond approach, into the unreal, into the intangible truths, into myths, into reality, into life and its bearer.

One of the things it said was, 'How does it feel to re-incarnate? How does it feel to give life? How does it feel to be God?'.

There have been many games which follow a theme as that of giving you God like powers. In many others you are a mythological God from some ancient cult. But what matters to my discussion is the Electronic Arts game SIMS. The power to control, to direct, to result and the power to plan.

We plan so many things for ourselves, for others, for our loved ones, for the world. We work out of our freewill, out of our assumptions, our understanding and our interpretation of the facets of a situation. Yet God's that Master Planner (if you believe in HIM) who as Robbie Williams so rightly puts - 'and He just laughs at my plans'.

There's a lot subject to our fate too, but then again who's writing that book? I know I am not introducing anything new, but things fit so well for me in my current situation. Stuff I couldn't have visualised, God's been working at it for year long. Its for the good so I am not complaining, but I marvel how wonderfully He works and how beautifully everything fits and how crude my plans had been then. Yet God's got it all under control, all planned.

And when He does have the power to control everything inside His plan, its not that hard now is it.

And things don't work out the way we wanted it. Many times, and many times not. There's no formula other than probability. Right. But it's just for now, or its just that our vision is only polarised. No matter how great a chess player we are, we still have no control over things we don't have control over. Over the environment, over circumstances, over others, and even over ourselves.

And sometimes later down the line, it fits. But we don't have the time to realise if it wasn't for 'then' this were never to be. For better or for worse. But it happens.

And even when we know His supreme wisdom is undoubtedly worthy of no challenge, we plan. We plan every single day, mostly unfaithfully and sometimes truly. We predict, we preconceive, we think we've got it covered.

But within this freewill there's a program. There's a system, that God controls. Coz God's a Gamer too.

Hope

2007-04-07T12:02:00.000-07:00

In the light of recent events that have happened around me, I have realised some pivotal lessons of life. Never before has HOPE had more meaning to me, or I have seen it mean more to anyone than in the past days.

Alot of what we think is made of our own personality. The way we like to see things, may it be pesimistic or optimistic. It boils down to how we perceive things. In the same way, people we judge are all our own perception of the situation they are in. Alot of which is also relative to how ignorant or well informed we were about the situation. We think we know it all, but our conclusion is merely based on only what we know, even if that's not the complete truth or may be not even the complete lie.

And along these lines of positive perception, lies hope. An optimists love and a ray of light for the weakened. Hope is a strong player in times of distress and uncertainity. But how? It's factual evidence that has evolved some hope has'nt it. But that is because you perceive those facts to lead to something positive. Moreover, it exists because you require a better end result. In other words, because you want it.

I remember my teacher always said, 'IF' is the most useless word in the english dictionary. Coz everything that is about to happen rests on that 'IF'. To hope is kind of like 'IF'-ing, only you're not saying it, but your hoping it. It is just as hopeless. Heh, the irony of calling hope, being hopeless.

It's only natural to hope though, and almost all the times, its the only thing that shall make people go. Allah has asked us to hope for the best from HIM. Our hopes belong to HIM. But most of all, in times of any adversity, Allah reminds us that He will only push us to what we can handle. Also, whatever happens, happens by His decree and He does it for the better. That above all is the greatest Hope one can hold on to. The surest hope. And even when things dont turn right, you know that if you havent gone crazy yet, you can still take in more. What doesnt kill you, makes you stronger right?

Quote of the Day : Man is so weak, so brittle, so feeble. But that's all in his head. Its all psychological. Its all virtual.

MAD WORLD

2007-01-02T04:36:00.000-08:00

Gears of War - OST

All around me are familiar faces,
Worn out places,
Worn out faces,
Bright and early for the daily races,
Going nowhere,
Going nowhere,
Their tears are filling up their glasses,
No expression,
No expression,
Hide my head I wanna drown my sorrow,
No tomorrow,
No tomorrow,
And I find it kind of funny,
I find it kind of sad,
The dreams in which I'm dying are the best I've ever had,
I find it hard to tell you,
I find it hard to take,
When people run in circles,
It's a very very,
Mad world,
Mad world,
Children waiting for the day they feel good,
Happy birthday,
Happy birthday,
And I feel the way that every child should,
Sit and listen,
Sit and listen,
Went to school and I was very nervous,
No one knew me,
No one knew me,
Hello teacher tell me what's my lesson,
Look right through me,
Look right through me,
And I find it kind of funny,
I find it kind of sad,
The dreams in which I'm dying are the best I've ever had,
I find it hard to tell you,
I find it hard to take,
When people run in circles,
It's a very very,
Mad world,
Mad world,
Enlarging your world,
Mad world

So freaking real, and whats even more lovely; its for GEARS OF WAR - the best looking game to date. and oh yeah did i mention? I own an x360 now :D thankyou :D Alhumdulillah .. :D

2006-12-13T08:53:00.000-08:00

I stood casually facing the sun, the light soothing my eyes and dancing off the waves below. The wind blew in my direction. Pleasantly cold, enveloping my body. Everything feels nice.

The clouds scurry to cover the suns torturous sides, while the wind blows stronger. I hear the birds struggling against the breeze, facing the air like me. And from between the track breaks on my mp3 player I hear the boat gently splash water against the bank. The evening dawns modestly on the creek of Dubai.

A ferry honks to the seagulls above me, but the gentle creatures have found love with a couple sitting on the bench. They chew on their shawaramahs while throwing bits of grilled chicken up in the air for the quick ones to catch. Shawarmah? you say, not your typical romantic meal, but when in love, they could'nt be bothered.

Another couple stands beside me, leaning on the railings, taking in the calm and sounds of a cool evening.

The shawarmah couple leave the bench taking the white ones along with them. My playlist's done and I needed to rewind the to the music. I take their place while the other couple passes me by. I pull out my psp and struggle to get Daft Punk back on, squinting through the hair blocking my eyes.

A lonesome elderly boat captain carries his own struggle, requesting passerbys to take a trip round the creek. Never a more perfect moment, but it seemed his could be customers were at peace where they were.

White tourist folks arrive upon another quite ferry trip. Snapping pictures with a fat lensed camera. Their silk blonde hair uncontrollable in the air, and faces visual of natural pleasure.

Heh, the boatman's got a catch. 2 couples, one young and the other seems like their parents they dont want to miss the opportunity.

And the seagulls are back again, fluttering even stronger. Its 4'o clock now, Wahaj should be out of his misery any time now. Its time to leave.

I get up and walk ahead. All music just stops...

the natural sounds come rushing in place of trance.

and a split second later, there's a loud 'PHATAACK!'

_____________________________________

As the wind blows harder and the bobbing boat creates a a louder splash; my eyes move below to where the unnatural sound had eminated from.

Against the bi-colored brick floor lay my PSP in 2 pieces.

_____________________________________

And I was like WHAT THE, ZOOO EMMMM EFFF JEEEEE!!!

OMG OMG OMG OH MY GAWD,

NAAAAAAAAaaaaaaaaaaaaaoooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooouuuuuuuu!

_____________________________________

Thank GOD my PSP was allright. The 2 pieces were the battery and the main console!. Alhumdulillah I am so blessed. My trip to the wildlife ends NOW NOW NOW! and so does my romantic touch with nature!!

I love my die cast glossy plastic, blunt copper wires and liquid crystal display!

_____________________________________

The Post (Part 2&3)

2006-12-11T12:08:00.000-08:00

The Post (Part 2)

Yesterday was the first day at work and ZOOOMEFFFG it was hella hard to get by the day. The nausea that had been created by the nostalgic feeling of being at that same old client the same way i switched life to KPMG almost 6 months ago. My vomits were within my stomach.

Ugh.. it forced me to visualise life 5 yrs down the lane and I could not bring myself to the realisation that I could actually follow up numbers in the way my seniors do. Uff the jargon, the ultimate mess of everything thats accounted for. I am so not doing 9-5 all of my life. I need to entreprenaur into something and be my own, where I dont need to worry about what to account for except the profits that I make. Where I wont need to wake up early in the morning and report at 8:30 sharp. Where I would sit late only because I am having fun at my own work, for my own sake. Self employment is the way to go. and inshALLAH I will too!

Sometimes I look at my dad, or others in my family and I just wonder. HOW, HOW HOW? could they have stayed in the same office with the same people for a life their children havent out grown. I get sick working at the same client for 2 months. And I shit you not, I have become a resident auditor for the shitiest client for almost 4 months. OH GAWD! May Allah Help. !

______________________________________

The Post (Part 3)

3rd day at the office, that I did not go to.

Yes I bunked it today. I called in sick. I was actually but I knew I could get better.

Last night I had an excellent meeting with a group of game enthusiasts. Really got me pumping as much as the blood that rushes in the marines of Gears of War. I just needed an unorthodox break. Something out of the ordinary. So as much as work scared me, I know I can go back tomorrow with a grin and get ready to kick so client butt.

Seriously, things are so painfully soring. I mean there's been so many times that I think WTF maan I dont do this anymore, only because I dont have the time. Like just right now I am chatting with a friend of mine and we used to spend all nights just talking talking talking, but now it's like I feel I'm staying away. Its not on purpose, but it just doesnt fit the plan.

Plan, can go suck it self.

Although, this evening I realised; I should bloody put in my 100 into work. I aint doing anything else. Then again, I could've. Oh the dilemma.

I know for a fact though. InshALLAH tomorrow, I am gonna WORK. My quality which has come considerably down since the past 2 days, is gonna up itself. Lets be sincere for a while.

AMEN to all of that!

Quote of the day: No 2 routes lead to the same destination.

The Post (Part 1)

2006-12-08T22:47:00.000-08:00

So, I am free today. Problem?

Well yeah so I usually aint, but this is my day off. I have been sleeping and jumping around for the past 2 days after my exams; which by the way are nothing worth talking about except ofcourse TAX was the worst paper I have ever done in my life; yes thank you.

Tomorrow I say tata! to life and back to KPMG. Seriously, its that bad. Nonetheless, I hope it stays calm for another 3 months atleast. Even my classes wont be on so there is no escape when they want to make you sit late.

Its winter here again, or well, spring as the 'gora people' would know it. Coz it really isnt as cold, but its cold for desert standards, so its winter and u can shut your stupid trap. It's raining right now, but I know it'll stop when i stop. It always does. Even then though, the sun's got alot of time out now days. SubhanALLAH its awesome weather nonetheless.

I havent done the 'walk-along-the-corniche-alone/with friends-listening-to-favourite-tracks/trance-or-talking'. But very soon, before the coolness dries off this small city. InshALLAH.

Oh in even cooler news, my ultimate buddy's been bit with the blogspace keera. Wahaj's here and he's at www.merehalaat.blogspot.com. *tch I would need to change my links again - more work - hmm yaare yare*

And why do you think there are PART's to this post. Coz well I shall take ANIME BREAKS and CLEAN BREAKS before i post the other parts, so yeah there will be parts.

Quote of the day:- Welcome back Subhana, thankyou for using the internet :)!

PS: Gah, the sun's on duty again! grrrr... !

the horribly timed post

2006-11-27T19:06:00.000-08:00

So I thought, just before Google traces back on the byte hogging in active webspaces its bought from Blogspot.com and clicks them into oblivion; I'll write a post. Like all other. Not like no other. SONY

ha ah :P

*lame machine revs with excitement*

Anyhu, dont confuse this post with a regular LUDA Fixation. I am just wasting time in the morning so that everyone can go out of the house and I can finally get back to study. Yes, BACK to study.

Coz unlike normal human beings; which I was trying to be for over 2 weeks of my study leave; I dont follow the same mental nutritional pattern. I sleep late into the mornings often closer to the afternoon even if I had gone to bed at 11 in the night. And the rest of the time in the evening I was having fun exchanging my revision classes for Casino Royale, or just watching TV. FOR GODS FREAKIN SAKE, I was watching TV. I have watched more movies on the cable in these 2 weeks than what i normally watch in 2 months.

So well, i went back to think about last semester and developed a striking fact!

I STUDY AT NIGHTS!

So well yeah thats what I have been upto studying at nights taking ANIME breaks or something like that and eating alot. :P. My games have taken a step back primarily because I need to enjoy them and not rush them like they were job. Even though they are but whatever :P.

So well. chow chow. Dont ask for more, I'll just give you some.

Quote of the Day:- I dont even know why I used the word time in my post. In my case, I am miles away from that word.

PS The above post was dedicated to Subhana. May you stay cool and may your grand dad get better, Amen! And please stop working at the bottling factory!! :P

for the kill

2006-05-23T16:04:00.000-07:00

Everytime I have been washrooming, for the past few days, in my home, I've come face to face with quite a few moth-cum-fly-cum-very tiny creatures buzzing around, without a sound under the bright, half covered tubelight. The tubelight is placed right above the large mirror, where I usually see them sitting on the reflection of my face; motionless; still; waiting? I dont know.

I have tried to smoke* them, it usually kills them in sometime. Thats what I had heard but it didnt work. Neither did synthetic chemical mixtures which can choke a human if used extensively. PIFF PAFF or Baygon is what they are marketted as. But the relentless species, they'd just spread out and come back. Infact, they are so miniature, they probably get lost without the light; atleast to us.

This morning at 3 am, I took it to myself to do the cleaning. A good number appeared near the light where it always does. Usual, it may seem. I washed my hands, before I did my deed. And with water still meandering down the skin canals on my hand, I positioned my reflection in line with where one of them sat.

SLAP! an instant later I had blood and body on my right to the middle finger. My wet hand making an imprint on the mirror. And then I got another one. And one more, similar fashion.

Based on my assumption I believe, they had come to realise something was not right. The sitting ladies, flew up now taking it to open space. But I was already on a roll, and now it was a Clap! Atleast 4 more, until there was just one remaining.

I was ready for some competition. The key is to keep an eye on it and follow it to whatever extent it takes, just follow it. And when you get the gut feeling, its in your yard. BAM! it for tresspassing. Matter of fact, they had been in my yard all the time now, I'd just been too ignorant clap my hands.

So the last one made me wait, it appeared disappeard appeared and disappeared again. I could only make it out when it was closer to light, but as soon as I'd see it, I'd lose it. Until one fine head move and I see it sitting on the glass, fidgeting. Ballooned by my self confidence, I used just a finger. TAK!

It was hit but not fallen, and it rose again to soar. I got it one more time with my inflated balloon, and it still didnt make any difference. Then I just slapped it hard; with a curse caught between my throat and tongue.

And then there were more, I hadnt realised before. 3 more, or atleast they were all I had to kill next. Everytime I'd hunt one down, I'd wash my hands clean and let the body lie on the walls of the sink. What was even more peculiar was that in the silence of a Clap, I'd see threads floating in the air. Small, real small. Pieces of threads falling from the top at a speed of almost nothing. Very slow, very small.

Then when I was finally done, I washed my hands one last time with soap. Then I took in the freshness of my hands and walked out.

We are all God's creatures and we all need to survive. And to survive we may sometimes need to kill. Not that those moths would have hindered my survival, but sometimes we kill for things as trivial as 'my space' and 'my air'.

*do the ARABIC AOUDH Techniques.

drugged

2006-04-29T14:50:00.000-07:00

I walk

To become

What I admired

The man

I desired

The ugly

That inspired

My solace

Is me

Disconnected

But not free

Don’t touch me

Out of this

I love the drug

Sedate my soul

So I drift

By my own

In my own

I live

displaced

2006-04-29T13:28:00.000-07:00

Recently, whenever I think of writing something, its either too late, or I have something pending to write about\on so I end up clicking on the cross button at the 'new post screen'.

Today I am just too tired and even though i have pending things on the line, they can wait a little longer. This time, I think I need to take a break.

KPMG's begining to take its toll on me. I am doing late sittings and sometimes even morning walk outs. But thats cool, coz its in Emirates towers ;). I see this to be more of toughening experience than a learning one. Like what my senior said, "spend an year here, and you'll be 21."

I would not mention anything more, even though I am not on any contract or liability with the company; its just for the safer side.

Apart from that, today, I experienced the most embarrasing moment of my life - as of yet. I am not going to go on and blabber it out, but to me, the only thing worse could be running around naked in Global Village on a Thursday evening!

____

There's a glitch in my plan. Something I hardly have any control over. Its got me a little disturbed, but inshALLAH with a lil thinking and a nudge from God, it should be allright. Amen! But its disturbing nonetheless. Pray please.
_____

Congratulations to Subhaana baajee for such a wonderful achievement. May Allah bless her with many more. TO know more, go to *SUBHAANA'S* link on the right; for words fail me.
____

I got my exams in the next month and I dont know JACK. InshALLAH i should be able to get a leave, but there are many odds to jump over.
____

The late sittings, and too much 'extracurricular' work is making me weary. I have come to realise, that I take up too many voluntary things; and worst of all, most of them are unfinished. Even though I feel like I want to do everything, learn everthing, master everything; its not working. Time is less. I am few.
_____

Quote of the day :- This place has changed

2006-04-20T15:53:00.000-07:00

Thursday 3:00 am
21st of April 2005

I thought that I had the time to post today. Now I believe I was wrong.

For The Love Of G-A-M-E

2006-04-16T12:09:00.000-07:00

an interesting read ...
Source: Shoutwire!

In 1961 the minds at MIT unvieled a groundbreaking diagnostic program for the PDP-1 mainframe.Instead of churinging out mathmatical soloutions as evidence of a properly functioning processer, the program allowed the user to verify functionality by dogfighting an opponent in space. It was SpaceWar, and it was the first video game ever created.

A full fourty five years later, video gaming has grown into a ten billion dollar a year industry. The technology has grown exponentially, we’re in the fifith generation of consoles, and usage is prevalent among the general population. So why, after all of these years, am I still hesitant to admit in mixed company that I’m a gamer?

Fifteen years ago such an admission would be unthinkable. Videogames were the exclusive domain of adolescent males and social degenerates. To admit as an adult that you were spent eight hours on Saturday night making your final run at Hilter (Die, Allied Schweinhund!) in Wolfenstein 3D would have been a social debacle. Images would flow through the mind of your confidant. Images of you sitting in your mothers basement with your only company being the pale glow emmited by 16 frames per second of VGA graphics, images of your inevitable fate of being a 30 year old virgin, images of a person unclean. You, sir, would be a nerd.

Today, even though an estimated 43% of gamers are adults, this stigma still lives on. To admit that you’re a gamer, to some, is to admit that you waste valuable time on an unproductive, childish hobby. Yet, for some unexplainable reason, not an eye is batted if you spend your evening in front of the television in the throes of prime time ecstasy. It is more chic to passively wonder who America’s next Idol will be than to involve yourself in a stimulating, interactive, and – more often than not – cognitive video game experience.

In an age where videogames have overshadowed the film and television industry as entertainment king, we gamers are still, for the most part, a sadly persecuted lot. We contend with the eye rolling of mothers, the sighs of girlfriends, and the disparaging comments from elders. We have been mocked and ridiculed and deprived of our rightful place in the genetic pool for far too long.

We game because we love it, and we almost represent the majority.

I think it’s high time we come out of the basement.

Non

2006-04-02T12:44:00.000-07:00

Hear,

indistinct resonance

Echo

distress signal

Voice

me.

Weapon

Is a horse shoe,

Shield

Is teeth

Sheath

me.

Adamant

all beliefs

Weak

is the heart

Constricted

approach

Caught

me.

Eldritch

Is the stance

Dig deep

-er

Swimming

To Sink

me.

Happen

2006-03-31T01:38:00.000-08:00

its been a while will be an understatement.

I havent been doing what i usually do. At least not for sometime now. All for the good though. Infact for the VERY GOOD (Alhumdulillah). Lately so many things have happened that, according to a friend, I always have a sentence with GUESS WHAT when we chat. MashALLAH. Allah's blessed me with things I havent even imagined. And it scares me. May be I am getting all this in compensation of what I am going to loose in the Hereafter. May Allah forbid. and May Allah Bless.

SO the no.1 most important thing that happened lately, was the Award. Award for scoring the highest In my Design and Tech Alevels Exams all over the WORLD!! ..

Unbelievable I know. Unexpected, very much! I couldnt digest the news until I had it in my hands at the prize distribution ceremony. I am pretty much still in the state of awe and there isnt any limit to thank ALLAH for such an accredation.

This really made me question my decision for changing lines. It was like a cold nudge which had a loving warmth in the heart of it, making me know how good I can be (alhumdulillah). Nonetheless I have moved on and I would like to think God has made me create a benchmark and change sides.

Speaking of moving on, which I have surely gone deep into and continuously sinking; I have joined KPMG as an intern. KPMG is the no.1 auditing firm (client wise) in UAE and the 4th largest in the world; thereby forming part of the BIG 4 of the world. The offices are in Emirates Towers ;) .. but thats just the perk which does not over shadow the 12am-4am sessions of the Audit Assistants and Seniors in those offices. Its one hell of a tiring schedule the people have got and each one's competing to be the best in the better. A golden under-rule in the firm states 'Join KPMG = Forget Life'. And it's pretty obvious, coz nothing starts at 3 in the morning.

Nevertheless, the badge that KPMG brings and the honor of being an auditor who can just clean sweep a company's ass is SWEETAH! I know if I am ever to join as an employee I'd be fried to the point that I'll have to let go of the gaming passion. But like they say 'Kuch paanay kay liye Kuch khona parta hai' = 'To gain something you gotta lose something'.

Likewise though there hasnt been any art flowing from anywhere of myself. I havent drawn in months and poetry's become a different language. Seems like the 'switch' has taken a toll on me. At the moment its just, Me KPMG Classes and Game Review. Internet has become a gettaway but it doesnt last long.

And oh yeah, I got my license! :D and so much awesome to drive my mom's accord :D! MUAHAHA! Its been less than a month, and I am already flashed! I got a speeding ticket last night 1:45 in the morning, Sheikh Zayed Road. It was a 100kmph road, and I was at 140kmph. I have no idea how much will it be, anyone got any idea? And even though it was more of shock struck situation when the camera sparked a white tube on my windscreen, it was kinda nice to see how it flashes ;) .. :P But I wouldnt want to be ticketed again thats for sure. Although I think i will ask them to gimme the picture (dxb police dept) and will put it in my cupboard as the very first CAUGHT ON CAMERA ;) :o

Till whenever I am free again. Ma3salaam and tc

Quote of the day:- Coat for the day

:P

The Return

2006-02-28T13:23:00.000-08:00

THE PROPHET MOHAMMAD'S (PBUH) LAST SERMON

This Sermon was delivered on the Ninth Day of Dhul Hijjah 10 A.H in the Uranah Valley of mount Arafat )

"O People lend me an attentive ear, for I know not whether after this year I shall ever be amongst you again. Therefore listen to what I am saying very carefully and TAKE THESE WORDS TO THOSE WHO COULD NOT BE PRESENT HERE TODAY.

O People just as you regard this month, this day, this city as Sacred, so regard the life and property of every Muslim as a sacred trust. Return the goods entrusted to you to their rightful owners. Hurt no one so that no one may hurt you. Remember that you will indeed meet your LORD, and that he will indeed reckon your deeds. ALLAH has forbidden you to take usuary (interest), therefore all interest obligations shall henceforth be waived. Your capital is yours to keep. You will neither inflict nor suffer any inequity. Allah has Judged that there shall be no interest and that all the interest due to Abbas ibn 'Abd'al Muttalib (Prophet's uncle) be waived.

Every right arising out of homicide in pre-Islamic days is henceforth waived and the first such right that I waive is that arising from the murder of Rabiah ibn al Harithibn.

O'Men, the Unbelievers indulge in tampering with the calender in order to make permissible that which Allah forbade, and to forbid which Allah has made permissible. With Allah the months are twelve in number. Four of them are holy three of these are successive and one occurs singly between the months of Jumada and Shaban.

Beware of Satan, for the safety of your religion. He has lost all hope of that he will be able to lead you astray in big things, so beware of following him in small things.

O People it is true that you have certain rights with regard to your women but they also have right over you. Remember that you have taken them as your wives only under Allah's trust and with his permission. If they abide by your right then to them belongs the right to be fed and clothed in kindness. Do treat your women well and be kind to them for they are your partners and committed helpers. And it is your right that they do not make friends with anyone of whom you do not approve, as well as never to be unchaste.

O People, listen to me in ernest, worship ALLAH, say your five daily prayers fast during month of Ramadan, and give your wealth in Zakat. Perform Hajj if you can afford to.

All mankind is from Adam and Eve, an Arab has no superiority over a non-Arab nor a non-Arab has any superiority over an Arab; also a white has no superiority over black nor a black has any superiority over white except by piety and good action. Learn that every Muslim is a brother to every Muslim and that the Muslims constitute o ne brotherhood. Nothing shall be legitimate to a Muslim which belogs to a fellow Muslim unless it was given freely and willingly. Do not therefore do injustice to yourselves. Remember one day you will meet Allah and answer your deeds. So beware do not astray from the path of righteousness after I am gone.

O People, NO PROPHET OR APOSTLE WILL COME AFTER ME AND NO NEW FAITH WILL BE BORN. Reason well, therefore, O People, and understand words which I convey to you. I leave behind me two things, the QURAN and my SUNNAH and if you follow these you will never go astray.

All those who listen to me shall pass on my words to others and those to others again; and may the last ones understand my words better than those who listen to me directly. Be my witness O ALLAH, that I have conveyed your message to your people."

PS: WOAH its been over a month now. I never realised, or well I did but never bothered. This can wait, I always thought when I had a feeling to write something; coz I was due 6 essays (350 words each) for a friend and felt guilty utilising my time on the blog. Anyhow, now that you know the particular reason, the part reason is my laziness:D Thank you. There is alot to talk about but since I got this in a mail (by comicsans19) I thought it would be a wonderful thing to share, special thanks to the last line. Also let this be the kick start to the one month vacation this place has been having from my rants. AND ALSO, let me gather back all I wanted to say for such a long time, my views, my thoughts, my achievments, my life, my everything :P

Ma3salaam and good bye for now.

some random tests

2006-01-13T12:21:00.000-08:00

Thanks to Reza, i stumbled over a few TESTS sites. Here's what THEY SAY, about ME.

What Classic Movie Am I ?

What Classic Movie Are You?
personality tests by similarminds.com

What Famous Leader Am I ?

What Famous Leader Are You?
personality tests by similarminds.com

And I also took a few BLEACH personality tests. (Bleach is an anime btw).

This is what I get after a long que of questions .. :@:Po.O?

What Vice Captain am I ?

Which Bleach Vice-Captain are You?

brought to you by Quizilla

What Bleach Personality am I ?

Conclusion = These computer generated tests are big chunks of shitwads. (except the nerd one ofcourse ;) ). Bloody they changed my gender! Fake Fake Fake Fake ..

EiD

2006-01-12T11:18:00.000-08:00

EiD was good. OK. But most of it was boring. Mostly coz we didnt go anywhere.

Did the sacrifice thingie. Did almost all of the preps and after things except namely for the sacrifice itself. Kinda n00bed out. I think.

2nd day was pretty good, nice fun at Pervaiz Bhaee's and Sarwat Aunty's.

Today just came back from the Jabal-e-Hafeez and Green Mubazzar Trip. What was MAJORLY different was that we were in a Hyundai Van. No.2 - No parents .. :D. As in .. NOT AT ALL .. :D ;)

So by 12 30 we were off, carrying bits and pieces of friendship badge holders in the van. Many of the bigger badger holders, couldnt actually make it - their loss. A 2 hr long drive passed in switching Mp3 Players and DiscMen from the cassette converter's /adapter's jack. An hour later, the cassette converter had lost the battle. Omar was held responsible; his seriously sick mixes of Nusrat Fateh Ali Khan, had spoiled the adapter bad.

Then, it was just talking and blabbering about random shit, about current affairs which are actually 'cool' and 'hip'. Muddu (our driver and arrangement manager) made sure he wasnt disturbed at all. His concentration was focused on the wheel and the meter and the lenses.

All my conversion and ripping of audio files and Russell peters went down the gutter. But I wasnt majorly disappointed about it, there was just too much to talk about. Then we were taking photographs, positioning, posing. It was like we had borrowed traits from the other gender or Ameen (;)) for that matter, for a certain time. :P

Then we paused half way up for some lunch break, prayer break, football break, and the most interesting of all - NO OFFENSE break.

No Offense was actually, Maaz's idea. A hand puppet in Muddu's van of a bunny, made way for a TRIUMPH like show, where Maaz would ask us questions and make it snappy and funny and well, insult us. A mere, 1-2 minutes shows were conducted with everyone, recorded on Talha's mobile. Some were funny, some extremely pitifully lame. But fun, whatever.

Up on the highest cliff of the UAE, things started to get chilly. Nonetheless it just added to the ambience of sheesha and sunset. Absolutely wonderfull to see the sun sink into the mist. My meager digital camera couldnt recapture the beauty, but it tried its best to catch a glimpse.

So after that we spiralled downwards to our previous spot, for prayers and some ice cream and peeing. And then we spiralled down once more to what was our last stop. The Green Mubazzar.

Have had wonderful times here, memories and fun. This time round though, the Municipality had planted its minions on the small climb-able hills. Did'nt let us climb from the front or the back. Kept screaming about a 600Dhs Fine. Miserly as we are, or better put, Careful and wise as we are, dropped the plan and played some football.

My rusted feet and hands motioned with pretty good reflexes. We won 7-3 of what was a very enjoyable match. We kept changing positions, nevertheless, it didnt spoil any of the fun. Had left over biryaanee after that and then off back to dubai.

Way back was still uber fun. Truth and dare. LMAO, it was as if the ladies mode was switched on again. We were playing a game what I have always seen women play. And because we were storming at 140kmph in a car and noone wanted to see anyone naked, noone was allowed to choose Dare. Thus, it was a TRUTH AND TRUTH game we played. What we did find out, is not here to discuss about.

Now I am back home.
A few pictures from the trip ...

View from the top

Lighted Green Mubazzar.

Ipod and Love =/

Quote of the day :- "His unfailing ability of destroying the things he loves - King Kong."

by gone

2006-01-03T11:05:00.000-08:00

This happened some time back ..

I dont remember the date, but it was the first night it rained in Pakistan. It poured to the extent that my cousin got scared, but they had fun. Accross the city some one else was experiencing everything contrary.
A grand-father in relation was being rushed from hospital to hospital, in search of space and facility to operate. 12:30 PST, they found one that had both, and the operation began.
He came safe out of that, but his condition was still hanging on threads.
My parents got their tickets, were ready to leave the next night. Next morning though, he was reported dead.

Wierd, it was. I was already very weary of his survival when I heard they are searching for a hospital in the middle of the night. I knew it was serious then. But somehow I'd assumed he's gonna stay up till mom and dad got there. Theyd see him and probably then he'd die. How naive of me. For sometime there, I'd totally forgotten it was God's game, and his call too.

I never loved him. It was merely a respect relationship from my side. Until this time when i wen to my country, though. It also had fun involved. We used to play Ludo against each other. Cheat, when he didnt look. It was fun this time.

Then again its an absurd thought that I get all the time when I think about him. Its like he's still going to be there. He's still going to be sitting there watching T.V. all day long, and in my heart, i'd be feeling why doesnt he move away somewhere else. Why doesnt he go talk or sleep, I want the lounge to my self for sometime. Yeah I used to think about him like that. Now, I cant think. There is no him anymore. I dont miss him, but I am sad. How abrupt the end was.

A full stop, in the wrong place (for our thinking), in the right place for the believers.

May he be granted the gardens of Jannah - Amen.

TEST RESULTS

2005-12-10T20:17:00.000-08:00

Overall, you scored as follows:

20% scored higher (more nerdy), and
80% scored lower (less nerdy).

What does this mean? Your nerdiness is:

High-Level Nerd. You are definitely MIT material, apply now!!!

ALWAYS WANTED TO DO THIS!!!!! MUAHAHAHA .. :D
I am
t3h
N3Rd

Make/Break/Huh?

2005-12-10T12:59:00.000-08:00

..... On Wednesday night when Wahaj had already gone back to Abu Dhabi after our discussion about ACCA and My First Accounting Exam over sheesha, I reached home and started dialing. I dialed Mudassir, but he never picked up. Then I dialed Wahaj to take his, and Haider's recomendation, only to hold onto a call Wahaj got from Mudassir, asking him to ask Saad to call me back.

I did and we both had a similar 'Shit nooooooooo' expression in our voices. We both wanted to postpone our exams, the dates of which we can choose as they are Computer Based Examinations (CBE).Upon parents permission, I called up the institute to forward the date. 'Cant do it!'- answered Mr. Faisal.

I was 4 Major chapters and 2 normal chapters far from completing the 24 Chaptered 1.1 Book; it was time to get ready. I mean, to get my PARENTS ready. So I started feeding them with how tough it is, and how 3 years of portion is squeezed in a 3 month period and shoved into our pink squishy brains. And how its my first time. *And all this is geniune OK! IT IS TOUGH!*

Anyways, so my parents were ready for the failure, even though they thought I'd make it hopefully, InshALLAH.

The morning, I was shit tensed. I was still 2 (major) chpts away and had not even TOUCHED the ALL IMPORTANT revision kits. Mudassir came along in the morning. Said we'll do some revision. We did, but I was getting freaked.

What got me even more stressed and anxious, was the fact that if I fail this, it would be my first ever! I joined Acca with frequent failure in mind, but not like this. Not the very first one. The thought even started poking my ambition-bubble. Such are just wonders of what tension can do to you.

SO 2 hours prior to the exam, we put on .. MUNNA BHAEE MBBS .. :D .. HHAHAHAHA .. all the heat is cooled!

In the Exam Hall, which is actually a room with a few PC's, the tension bar was up again. A friend had just failed :S. Another someone had passed though, but humans tend to take in the negative.

A whole load of prayers and recitation of every surah that came to my mind made me start a little later than 1:20 but no worries, computer based papers start timing after the click. Then on, I just did it as it came. It wasnt very tough, but so was the case of some of the questions I had solved before. The questions arent difficult, but the answers turn out to be different.

THAT thought kept me tensed all along apart from the 4 questions on GoodWill Calculation. However, what was even tougher was to control my farts. See, when I get real tensed and nervous, my stomach does shit with me, and my butt wants to exit some whistles and air. So it gets pretty shitty to control the flow, rather, stop it.

I closed my eyes as I clicked the exit button. 10 seconds of black blinding patience. The worst part with CBE is real time results. You know its now or never. Its gonna hit you NOW like a BOLT or A SLAP or A CRICKET SHOT or whatever. Make or Break.

68%-PASS

ALHUMDULILLAH, I made it! AAAAAH (i let go of my tightened buttcheeks ;) ). HOOooooh, through 1. 1 more to go. May Allah Help Us ALL!

Quote of the day:- "A war is not about dieing for your country, but making sure the other bastard dies for his!" - CoD2

changes in smoke

2005-12-01T09:53:00.000-08:00

Even though, very recenlty, I had a lot on my mind to write about; its somehow just flewn off. Rather scattered so well and deep in my CURRENT thoughts, that I can hardly remember what I had to remember. So although I intended to write something intellectual this time, you are probably going to be served with an over cooked chinese dish.

First things first. I need to clean my keyboard. Gone very sticky and there have been a lot of instances where the space bar gets stuck (coz of the stickyness).

There has been an added perk to my review job. I got the CoD2 and Q4 to review about, and boy are they addictive. I was actually a little disappointed with Quake4 but .. CoD2 has got me sitting and spending hours just enjoying the game play and the exquisite sound of World War 2. This is probably the best I have played in war fps. I havent tried Battlefield though.

All this was even more enjoyable considering the fact that my DVD-RW ROM screwed up and made me stay awake all night in pain and anguish of loosing a loved one :P. Yeah I love my pc. Finally found out it wasnt screwed even though there was something wrong with it. But Alhumdulillah its allright now thanks to Ibi's olderRom.

SO, exams are on their way. 8th and 13th, 1.1 and 1.2, respectively. I have a pretty normal time table which I am following in a very wierd fashion. I study from 3 at night to 10 in the morning and then play some game pray and sleep :P Get up in the evening and well play some more, do some stuff, play, meet people watch tv/anime .. Then start studying

I have to say though, I am begining to like this subject. Or probably, its just growing on me. Statistics, money, checking, capital, credit all are words that make my ears stand up, specially Audit.

Did you know, AUDIT is actually related to audio and audience. Its not just the AUD but more. I was recently at a job interview at Sajjad Haider & Co. (thanks to a reference from a real nice bajee) and the interviewer explained:-
Audio = SOUND
Audience = Listeners
Audit = Listen, according to his story, KINGS used to have people which would count their sheep and cattle and camels etc and the king used to stand and listen. That is Auditing.
I faired well at the interview for the temp job, but I couldnt start before exams, dad had prohibitted. Thereby, i dropped the offer.

Anyhow so I was saying I am getting interested in all this and wierdly enough, I am begining to get ambitions related to the field rather than the art and design theories that I had earlier.

Hell I am watching BUSINESS TODAY now days.
*The voice inside my head* - What the ..... ? OOooh EMMMm EFF JEEE ?

Anyways, all success is in Allah's hand. May he bless us with what we deserve. Amen

Quote of the day :- A metal heart may be impenetrable, but it can still be broken.

Chain

2005-11-17T18:08:00.000-08:00

Start

Fight

Unethical

Breed

Human

Hunger

Feeds

Fire

Arm

Hug

Bear

Think

Bright

See

Believe

Trust

Crave

Life

Love

God

Religion

War

Pain

Sense

Ordinary

Beautiful

Trick

Play

Stop

Read it ? Now read it in a way that you connect only 2 words at a time. Like for example ..
Start-Fight
Fight-Unethical
Unethical-Human
and so on ..

n00b?!?! OmG!!

2005-11-17T15:00:00.000-08:00

Isnt it boring how this page never seems to be updated. Its the same till the writer finally wakes up and says 'WOAH I have a site to maintain'. Comes up, posts some usual bull-crap related to his movie-like life and rants about crap noone should give a damn about and then .. gets lost in some oblivion. I bet you're thinking 'THIS GUY's SCREWED IN THE HEAD!'. Bloody

-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Ok, before I miss it out, I'd want to say thanks to my very good cousin bro, NABEEL. JazaakALLAH dude! He's the reason why my blog is not as sick looking as it was before. Or was it? Naah it was funky earlier, its just sleek now. But TY anyways :D. You can check him out on www.avnxa1.blogspot.com
(fugged up name .. isnt it ? ;p)

Hmmmmmmm

So am FINALLY UP and am doing some collection work. I have finally started collecting my poetry from the million places it has been scattered around the net, which I was planning to do since last century perhaps. Or wait, no .. since sometime. Yeah whatever.

So I was doing that and I come to realise how n00bish they were. I can practically count out my mistakes there and laugh about how immature they sound (the poems not the mistakes). No wonder i was dissed at ep forums :P. Not that am any great now, but ALHUMDULILLAH I believe I can do some thing well enough.

There are quite a few good ones too though. SIN being my favourite. Sometime I wish to publish a small book with all of them in their raw state titled : CONFESSIONS OF THE IMMATURE TEEN.

Moving on GOD is SO BEAUTIFUL! Alhumdulillah. The most UBER of all the things happened to me. As in I got a DREAM JOB. Get PAID to PLAY GAMES :D, and well write about them. Alhumdulillah, cant thank God enough. I am writing for YOUNG TIMES now in the GAME REVIEWS column. Its wonderful to see my work go over middleast, but its even better to be able to do something I love to. Write and Play.

On the other hand though, Dad's not happy. He's never been really encouraging for playing computer games. One of the reasons why I dont have the current gen consoles and why I had to secretly buy the PSP :P.

All I wanted to prove was that even GAMES can make you money. Seems like he doesnt like any idea with COMPUTER G-A-M-E involved. He didnt even say MashALLAH or anything, let alone read the article. With his IS-IT? smirk on he says 'so you gonna write game reviews in your ACCA paper?'. Hmm, painful. All I can do, is score well and NOT play when he's around and SHOW him that I am studying, coz usually I aint .. ;) LOL!

Anything more, I cant think of right now, except that I should really start studying now. Exams getting a guillotine ready in my Dad's closet. The best thing is that I can choose my exam dates, but Dad wants me to finish it as quick as possible. It is possible but it'd be better if it were as soon as I CAN.

And I should really start managing stuff. As in get organised. Organising my PC is the best way to start off so I've been doing that, and then hopefully I'll move on for the more complex practical situations. No.1 being STUDY! <<>

Quote of the day :- Cry when you can.

different and mixed.

2005-11-08T11:52:00.000-08:00

I was getting so sick of the older back drop. I actually got a GOTHIC one to replace it, but it didnt function well. And I also got a self DE motivating one, which had all these, I love you, You used me, you lied to me on it. Yes I was so desperate to change it. Actually no, but coz I had changed the settings once and I didnt want to do it a million times on any other occasion, so i thought I should do it now itself. Even then, I wonder what possesed me to put up a puke green back drop. Hmmmm, it was kind of retro tho. OK-*PRESSFORWARDBUTTONPLEASE*

------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
HOOKAY!
I am back from Muscat. Been back 4 days ago :P.Spent Eid there. Oh yeah Eid Mubarak to you all. And may all our Ibadah be acknowledged by Allah-Amen.

So...

6 families, 5 cars, travelling by night with thick fog on a light-less highway and hazard lights in the fast lane. Fun? oh HELL YEAH!!

Travelling was the best part. Even though, the scenery of that place is absolutely mind blowing. We talk so much about how great Jabal e Hafeez is and all, but dood you shoud check this out. Its like they live in Jabel e Hafeez. Hell they ONLY got mountains. And all of their money has gone carving high-ways and bridges into them. No wonder, their economy isnt that great. I mean even though Dh10 = 1Riyal, dont let that fool you; coz they got a 1000 baisas where as we got just 100 fils. :P LOL.

One thing that was completely obvious was poor tourism. Definitely. I mean they got such a wonderful place, and its so freakin accessible; yet those morons dont know how to sell there mountainous beaches. Yes there is a beach IN the MOUNTAINS. I mean where is that an ordinary thing? You stand on that beach and you can see 4 mountainous islands right in front of your eyes. And that too when you actually reach the beach 20 minutes drive UP HILL from the city.

Nonetheless, was uber fun. Me and my cousin even managed to sneak up a sheesha there. I mean we had to some how. Its impossible for us to be together, alone and that too in a new (arab) country and NOT try out sheesha. The people we were staying with were very warm and welcoming. Hundred cheers to them, may Allah bless those people. I mean 6 families raid your home for 3 days, eat drink and shit in your washrooms, it takes a lot of patience to deal with that.

That over, lets move to the OTHER major thang. Saad just got SPIKED. yeah bayby yeah! For the first time in my uber cool life, I got a spike mess style on my head. Thank you Thank you. Now whether it looks good or not, is for others to judge, my verdict is that am pretty happy about it. I love the CHANGE atleast. Long hair was getting boring and rather unoriginal.

Whats ironical about this change is, that it comes right after I realised a very horrendous fact connected to hair care for my self. I am allergic to gel. Wierd? pretty. I get all zits and acne or whatever that is, covered on my face once i start using gel. Which is primarily due to the reason that my head sweats and the sweat trickles down to my face and forehead bringing along the gel deposits and leaving them there to rot my salty scarred and marred skin = zits / acne / whtever. I remember not very long ago, thanks to my side parting hairstyle, I had zits all over the RIGHT side of my face and my left was white and shiny. LOL. So NOW do you comprehend the crapiness of the situation?

Anyhu, in closing, Heres a few pictures to my rants....

umm .. errr .. sorry folks. Thanks to the ultra uber cool speed of the allmighty ETISALAT 1 MB ADSL connection, I am forced to withdraw from image uploading at the moment. Will fill you up with more pictures very soon.

Quote of the day :- 'I am the sinner God loves ... and so are you.'

Crater in our faiths

2005-10-25T07:37:00.000-07:00

Its 12 30 in the morning and the bustle is starting to gear up. People have become restless now. All eyes at the door. The people on the right side would get to see him first. There is no chaos; rather everyone sits/kneels within there limits. But regular glances up to the door from their holy books, makes evident their unsetledness. The time is near.

Infact it's here, as the man himself, enters the front gates of the mosque. His head bowed in modesty with the turban lossened and down his sides. The young man takes quick strides towards the mic, the men are already on their feet. 'Allah Hu Akbar!' the BOSE emit and he takes the men into magical grip with his powerful and effusive recitation of the Quran.... and so the last 10 days (ASHR) of the Ramadan have begun.

--------------------------------

Ramadan has not been as fruitful for the begining part of it. The EXTRA was not applicable. I was too involved in my classes and Mashreq. Nothing much that I could do either but I plan not to let go of these last precious moments that I have.

Its been a long time since I have blogged and I got a 5 minute window before Isha, so i guess I can squeeze in a few things into it. No. 1 mainly being the Earthquake.

Its everywhere. All the news and papers have been soaked in blood of the people that were taken away in the surge of nature. The no.s are still rising, and their is nothing that we could do about it. Sad. Isnt it? How we watch people being cut just so that they can stay alive. How we watch bodies in rubbles with everything fine except a head. Painful. Pityful.

But we dont learn do we? We cry, we mourn, we shut up for 2 minutes, but we never take heed. Wraths are all Gods way of showing His displeasure in our doings. The Quran says that 'there isnt any azaab/wrath on people until they have gone astray'. Innocence was not the one that died, it seems our concience has. How we pray and cry for the ones lost and we dont question why.

Anyhow, the damage was massive, and places are still being hit. First the Tsunami, then Katrina, Rita, the quake, and now its America's turn again by Wilma. Its not getting any better is it? Pray and take heed, we should, there is no other option.

Quote of the day :- God's not happy.

24 is small quantity

2005-10-02T14:09:00.000-07:00

Recently, I have discovered that 24hours in a day are not enough.

We cant change that but we can always imagine. Quite a few of you would agree that would'nt it be nice if GOD stretched the sun's cycle a lil bit so that we could fit in those extra nooches we usually miss. A year earlier I wouldnt have been saying this, but complications change your attitude. Now, that isnt about to happen in any case, so I guess its time for me to start management of time.

So, its a daily routine that sends me up at 7:30 out of home bounds and at 10:30 I can come back if I choose to. As pathetic as it may sound and as exhausting as it feels, I find it safe to say that its entertaining nonetheless. Enternaining in the sense, that I am never free. Added to that is the thrill of not doing stuff PURELY because i dont get time and not because am lazy. And not to forget the pity i get from ppl... ;).

OK! SO ramadan is coming up. Rather already at the last step and about to knock up on us. Makes one wonder how pathetic we are. How well hypocrisy controls us and how well we let it do it. When its RAMADAN, we go all cute and cudly under GOD, which is ACTUALY what is required and there is no harm in that. But as soon as it is over, we are back to our routine. And do we feel pathetic? naah, hardly.

Its like we shift gears and go back to 'usual' when the terrain becomes smooth. Its true we should get all shaken up and do the EXTRA that we usually dont, but that doesnt mean we shouldnt try half as hard in the normal time. And if you consider, what is that EXTRA? Nothing but the USUAL you HAVENT been doing Usually, leave aside a few things.

Ramadan, is the basic training for a person to gain strength for the rest of the year. The strength to fight evil, around him and within him. The nawafil fasts are optional for a person to regain on that strength when he think he's fading and the concious approaches his misery.

Anyhu, Ramadan is gonna be awesome inshALLAH, although it does feel a lil wierd, might I add. The main gathering, within which ramadan was gainable and at the same time enjoyable, is gone. Its a one man thing now. One for one and all for none. Specially for me, as the classes arent gonna stop and I still have the job till atleast 8th of OCT and probably even further. I got quite a few plans, lets c how they work out. Hopefully for the best. InshALLAH. Plus there is no car right now, so the usual Bukhatir salah, would have to be carefully planned, if not to be missed.

Nonetheless, InshALLAH, may Allah bless us all in this month and may we all get the opportunity to avail the best out of it. AAMEEN

Quote of the day:- Coz an opportunity as all you get. To make the most out of it is all upto you.

JACKED O MEGA

2005-09-24T13:20:00.000-07:00

One of those days when you feel like everything that has happened today is so much like ...
WHAT THE F#^@&*#!!!???

I got a job at Mashreq Bank. Temporary data entry operator and voluntary forms auditor. It is a temporary job, but tiring nonetheless. Makes me realise what an ass I am when I think my Dad is so boring when he comes back home.

From 8-6 straight shift and then 7-10 evening class, jacked is an understatement. And to make it so-very-fuggd-up .. I am the laughing bich of the class, coz my brains to dumb to understand when DEBIT and CREDIT entries differ.

Tonight was actually the very first of an expected melodrama which will follow for a week atleast. Couldnt answer a single question with confidence enough and became a stupid crap piece of the class. And because i never stop whining about how shit it is, I think i am becoming a major nuisance to everybody. Thank God for Shanil and Zeeshan and Kashif or I'd be shite today.

And it doesnt end here, am suffering from the EXERSION SICKNESS I get every now and then, and the black circles around my eyes encroach their way down the cheeks. So my throat pains and I whine once again, coz i cannot have COKE! I have become an insane addict now and it hurts me when I cant.

Diets gone all bad with only a hefty dinner at night and a shawarmah in the evening. Mornings are filled with caffinated drinks which the bank offers for free. And I seriously dont mind that. The job up there is uber fun and I do look forward to go there. Honestly, it doesnt feel like a job. Umm more like a keep busy morning session. Although, by the time your done, you're actually done ..:P Nonetheless, talking big and talking with the big boys, only grows on you. The only thing I fear is that I dont mess up. And wierdly enough, I am begining to like all the formality now.

In other news, Red Bull feels soooooooooo gooooooooooooood. OMG I didnt realise what I was missing since a long time my dad banned me off it. Then last night he actually got me one :).
It owns!!

Anyhu, I havta sleep. InshALLAH tomorrow will be better. 1.2 looks prettier than 1.1. Although I am not getting much time to study, but soon enough I will. Also, hopefully there'd be good news in my post, the next time I blog.

Ma3salaam

Quote of the day :- My burden's nothing. Check out my friend.

O MY GAWD O MY GAWD O MY GAWD

2005-09-18T12:51:00.000-07:00

many O MY GAWD O MY GAWD O MY GAWD things happening and ALHUMDULILLAH all have been in good terms. Lets go in the chronological order of the events, shall we?

OMG NO.1
OMG OMG OMG .. FINAL FANTASY 7 ADVENT CHILDREN IS THE MOST BEAUTIFUL ANIMATED FEATURE LENGTH FILM ON THE PLANET.
Even though the story is very hard for a non FF7AC player to understand people will enjoy it just for the special effects and EXTRA COOL and BEAUTIFUL eyecandy. Final Fantasy sticks to its original game story line and delivers an awesome fast movie with loads of action and hell loadsa wonderful looking people and lush environments. Although, some may find the guys to look much cuter then gals, but then I guess Square Enix must be filled with gays.

OMG NO. 2
OMG OMG OMG .. PERVAIZ BHAEE TREATED ME TO A 512 MB DUO CARD FOR MY PSP .. WOOTANG!!!... :P:D
So he says he'll treat me for dinner coz of his new job, and so i say i cant come coz i got a class on thursday evening. So he says till what time so i say till 10. So he says ok np, I will give u tht thing as well as the treat and I go like no u dont have to. So he says arey i will give u both so i say... ummmm... hmmm .. uhhh .. OK >> :DDDDDD .. MUAHAHA ..
So he kills his time searching and he cant find it. And so he gives me the money and so I buy it myself .. and 512 MB rocks!

OMG NO.3
OMG OMG OMG .. BURNOUT LEGENDS OWNS EVERY GOD DAMN GAME ON THE PLANET AS OFF YET! (racing genre i mean)
I spent 3 hours on the net just reading tutorials and downloading programs to work the BURNOUT LEGENDS (ISO) on the PSP, and HELL YEAH it was all worth it. When I finally overcome my own fault and the ISO started working, I was jumping up and down alone in my house screaming and shouting and ripping off my clothes (shirt only). GAAAAAHHHHH!!! .. I was crazy not only coz I had the latest game for the PSP but moreover I did it on my own, thinking and trying and discovering and applying .. WOAH! MashALLAh MashALLAH .. :D

hmmm .. so all the crazyness ends. I crash into sanity (crash-BURNOUT ANYONE .. ;)). Nevertheless, absorption costing puzzles my noble simple mind.

Anyhu, I was thinking and I finally decided to let in everyone on the 'not so very big' background thought of the last poem.

The poem is actually a notion of self guilt. Self guilt of a person who does not hide alot from people. A person who does not have many secrets. But then he has one. One great secret that noone knows about and he hasnt dared confiding it into anyone. Infact he works so hard to forget it, to the point where he makes his mind believe it never happened.

He is loved not just by one but all. He is cherished by a few dear ones. And thats what holds him back. Holds him to hold onto his secret, his forsaken tressure, alone.

Then again, he feels this because he isnt used to keeping secrets. He feels he's betraying the ones who love him. He is uneasy, he feels he should let go. But keeping secrets isnt a sin, is it?

Quote of the day :- There is nothing behind the wall if you dont climb it

Ordinary

2005-09-06T15:42:00.000-07:00

Close your eyes

I am bare

Let me cover

So you don’t see

What I hide

From you

And in vain

From me.

Laugh it off

Its fun to be

Around me

Behind myself

Unclear to you

But you think you know

And I wish I didn’t.

So ignore it

It’s just an itch

To you

it never did

Never should

And so I wish

I dont be

In place of me

Behind the mask

Its hideous

Still for all

It does well

For you too

Its nothing special.

hmmmm, been digging up some files of the recent past. I remember I wrote this before going to pakistan AND i wrote this in 5 mins. But why I wrote this I dont know .....
hmmm...
or probably, I dont want you'll to know :P.
Anyhu, since I already need to build an online data base of my poetry, here goes one more addition.

10 minutes from now ....

2005-09-04T04:17:00.000-07:00

... I shall sleep. My evening sleep before i go for the evening class. My second class. 1.2's first.

Yesterday was my first class. 1.1. But the events that happened before are of significance, at least to me.

Rude awakening. My lower left side of the back hurt like it was baring a heavy elephant. The wierd thing was that the pain crawled till nearly the front, near the stomach. Anyhow, I am wide awake 8 in the morning, one of the very rare ocassions.

At around 11 I plan to get ready for the THRIFTY RENT-A-CAR center for CAR SALES office, after loitering around and watching CONSTANTINE and fiddling with WINAMP's INTERNET TV which is an uber cool feature for live radio networks. So, i board the bus and land at Karama Post Office where i thought the place would be, only to realise, its on the OTHER end of karama. So I walk till there and when I finally reach at 12 40, I am directed to a (secret :P) base garage near the KARAMA POST OFFICE. WTH!!!?? And then when I go back to the "SECRET BASE" and check out the cars, I ask for the price. AND THEN .. I am humbly directed to the other OFFICE at the OTHER END of KARAMA.

But I had had enough, so I left for Saad's place. However, I made a stop over at Ibrahim's to get WINDOWS XP. Then I reach Saad's at about 3-15 and we blow out data from his PC so its spick and span and naked. Then we install XP and be happy :).

So it was 5 30 now and I havent eaten any thing. Even though Saad's cookies tasted good, my stomach and the back pain was telling me to STFU!

I go home. I sleep till 6:30 for my class at 7.

At a few seconds to 7 I reach the institute and I was already short of breath on my way. I paid the fees which I hadnt before and took the reciept. Went ahead to the small cave-like room in the corner where I needed to shift 3 times for my place.

Anyways due to the no. of students and the comparitively smaller (HELL SMALLER) room, we were shifted into the other hall. I was relieved for 2 reasons. No.1 Coz i was right in front in the new room now. No.2 COZ THOSE BLOODY FEMALE SPECIES THAT CHATTED LIKE DONKEYS LAUGHING .... were seated way back. Thank God.

Mr. Sir. Imran. Mr. is 24 yrs old and has a resemblance to FAKHIR (a paki artist). He is very energetic and enthusiastic to teach, which he has been doing since 2-3 yrs now. His energy is well utilised in his stance, his body movements, his hip excercises and YES OFCOURSE (his fav line :P) hopping over the white board stand.

Besides, he teaches well, atleast from what I have grabbed from the first class. He insults well too. And he may even give individual attention, specially to science students .. (hehe :D). Hope I dont get owned though in other ways.

First half i was shut and a good listener. Rather I was Alice in Wonderland. Second, I asked my doubts, even for the first half. All in all. It was not bad at all.

Havent made any friends yet.Got acquainted to the person who sits beside me (i dont know his name tho) and Zeeshan and another friend of his.

Anyhoo, time to go.
My beauty and brains sleep, awaits me.

Quote of the Day :- There is not quote of the day.

I use Garnier Fructus Extra Strong Hair Gell

2005-09-01T16:44:00.000-07:00

Kung Fu CHI CUTTA CUT!

ga!

My brain can handle more nonsense since I have shed hair from the head!
Yes my fellow readers I have indeed taken a step to cut my hair short and have acomplished it to a certain extent. It is the truth no matter how shocking it may seem.

[HOWEVER] DRAT I cant make spikes or mess or the alien or the mohawk :(. The barber was of moroccan origin and hardly understood any of my messed up hybrid of English and Arabic. It was only till the point when he did the last shampoo and got the gell out did he understand that I needed short enough hair to do a MESS or probably something of that sort. So well my hair still a lil longer than THAT requirement, but since ACCA starts day after, they are decent enough for me to look like I am the cute teachers pet :P.

thinks *HA HA HA - the slick bribery of the cute nature always works :D*

Had an amazing time in ABU DHABI. The so called JOGGING TRIPS (in the Lumina) to the BREAK WATER (early in the morning) were super fun.

Some time ago when we came back to dubai, we went on an early morning jog (drive :P) me and my cousin had an interesting discussion. Weird for boys to be talking about families and our responsibilities to them being the eldest sons, but we did. 1 hour long. People might think, this is what makes us ASIANS and so BACKWARD, but families are so important, in life in religion in Islam.

I mean It would be almost impossible for us to pay back our parents for what they have done. I consider myself so fortunate just to BE where I am and so should everyone of us. As a boy I used to think the more my DAD's at work, the more i get to play. I realise now though, what has he been doing, working till 10 at night? For whom? For what? For Me? For Us?
*chkchkchk chiiingggg*-(light flickers on) DUUHH!!

May ALLAH bless our parents for all that they have done. And may ALLAH bless us like HE has always done. Amen.

Quote of the day:- If you want to make GOD laugh, tell him about your plans - Allen

post from abu dhabi

2005-08-28T13:35:00.000-07:00

Yes am in Abu Dhabi which half of the people may already know about. The purpose for my stay is also pretty known - so - for the ignorant - am being introduced to ACCA Level 1 thanx to my cousin wahaj whose doing a good job teaching me the basics.

But mostly we dont study. Study part is right at the end of the day when we all are about to watch a movie and I go like "U &*$#^$&amp;*# better teach me or I'll &*$^(#&$^ .... YEAH!!!"So he gets scared :P and teaches me for the sake of his life :P

So, incidents keep happening to make me realise how much I suck at sport. And how much sport is not my ball game. Table tennis is the worst. I recently got thrashed on the table without a single smash by the opponent and the scores are 21-3. YAY! 3 cheers for looser. I dont need to count how many times this happened. Enough embarrasment already. Dont tell me to practise, been there done that. Cricket and Billiards is what i was getting good at .. or atleast i think so, but then again i got stuck somewhere and progress is none.

Anyways, enough of selfish ranting. Amongst the highlights of this stay which ends tomorrow inshALLAH, I flew in a LUMINA tonight. Yes, FLEW. OK .. JUMPED. Jumped up a HUGE hump at about 70-80km/hr all four wheels in the air. Alhumdulillah all are safe (except the guy hu got a seat belt under his butt) and so is the car. Nonetheless, that was some fun shit.

Quote of the day :- Girl:- OMG!! you? respect ME ?
Boy:- Yes, I respect women and animal species :P
Girl:- Great! so you respect me AND YOURSELF :P
(actual chat session)

the grey flower

2005-08-22T14:35:00.000-07:00

Here, hold it;
and hold it close
this metal rose
that destiny chose;
be victor over tyranny.

Squeeze their blood
out their flesh.
Cut their veins
and make a mess.
Worry no more, you have been blessed
with the metal rose that destiny chose.

The golden baby
which lies within,
Use it well
to entice the men.
Then slice the men
Good bye with them.

Click-ti-click
let the wheel move.
Puncture bodies
and deepen wounds.
And when the smoke rises
let the ashes fall
and crimson flow beneath your feet.

Then dip the rose that destiny chose
and color the metal with life of red.

what the subconsciuos mind wrote ... and other stories.

2005-08-20T18:30:00.000-07:00

I saw pictures today. They were normal pictures. Plain and simple; unlike life. They had people posing and backgrounds ignorant. Sharp on the models, blur on the base.

I am confused now. Should I write or should I write? Because I am writing a paragraph of random thoughts. But they are so cool that they pull me in to a dilemma as strongly as you pull the fishing line out of water. I could make poetry out of them. I felt. It doesnt have to rhyme but it looks so cool. Sounds. I mean.

I feel weary and fray. I am not on alcohol, I would never be. Haraam! My subconscious mind is playing tricks. It tells my left brain to think and my right brain to not think. I am stuck once more.

Whore!

I have absolutely no idea where that came from but its comic and has awaken my senses a little bit.

But the bed and the quilt is warm and comforting and sleep is inviting. I think I should shut now. My nose is blocked and I feel weak. I think I would be sick in the morning. The paper has ended and I cant turn. I dont feel like. Let quit.

------

nonsense ..

This is what your brain does to you when you dont sleep and you hold a paper and a pen at bed.

Moving on .. I am back on the sand. Back in Dubai. Been quite some time now. More than a week. Feels great and hot! Thank GOD for Air Conditioning.

My PC's MOTHERBOARDs been naughty when I was gone, and now its become unstable. Even at 115 FSB it does not start windows.

My sim go fluxed resting in my wallet pocket. With all the sweat and the money, I guess it had to. But well, I made sure I got it changed first thing when I came here.

My Internet Line got 'I-HAVE-NO-IDEA-WHAT' and didnt work for almost 4 days and I could have starved of 'INTERNETLESSNESS'. JazaakALLAH to ETISALAT for once, those guys actually did work on it day in and day out. He'd show up every day, waking me up of my beauty sleep and check wierd stuff and unintellegible numbers and fingures. And he had that wierd big yellow elephant injection like instrument to trace signals in lines and it made loud beep sounds enough to wake a heavy sleeper. Anyways, he did well and am impressed to see a local work that hard. May Allah make more locals like him.

Hmm ... so my results were out some time ago. Got 2 B's which aint bad for A levels. But then not V.Good either considering what I was expected of. At least an A in chemistry could have done the trick, coz you hardly get an A in DnT in A levels. Atleast none from our school as yet. And so my arch rival beat me with an A,B grade. And I admit, she definitely is better than me in studies. Atleast for this year. Coz I beat her last year and InshALLAH, I'll make a good success story later on too :D. Nonetheless congrats to her and all of those who got good grades and to those who never expected theyd pass but did and to all of those who did A LEVEL. May Allah give you success in whatever GOOD you do.

A semi-sane post comes to an end. I shall sleep now. Its 6:02 in the morning.

Quote of the day:- Photographs are posing people. Truth there is few.

adrenaline high

2005-08-09T14:05:00.000-07:00

"Baaarrrghhh .. brrrr.. brrrrgh .. baaaarrghhh brrgghhh brrrgh... "the bike gnarled through the muffler.He gave a slight race as the pasenger sat behind him and just as he did the bike sped away with a loud, echoing, pick up.

The bike zipped a corner and was into the main street with rickshaw horns welcoming them on their back. The bike picked up speed and the sound of the silencer grew steadily. It gained more speed. More now. Even more... The air that slapped the rider's faces drilled goosebumps in their bones. Their eyes twitched as their eye brows flickered madly in the swift wind. Even then, they were able to see the red pairs of lights closing in from the front.

They were approaching the signal but the rider seemed least bothered about their speed. The passenger in the back felt panic raise in his stomach, but somehow he shut up and smiled. They slowed a lil but never stopped. The car in front was slowing down, the bike took an immediate right and an alarming left from a rickshaw and found it self between 2 busses. The traffic was stopped at this point but not their bike.

They moved forward with jerky brakes every now and then and atlast found themselves on the front line of the signal stop. The junction was slowly filling with cars from the right. The bike's stop was of a mere second. He looked right and wheely'd in to the junction with blaring mufler sound. They crossed on red, horizontal to incoming traffic and there was no sign of horns and honks. Not surprising, this is the usual.

Adrenaline was pumping high as the bike weaved through traffic, bending a good 60 degrees on a few turns. Bikes, busses, cars and rickshaws were mere standing obstacles, as the bike sped through the spaces between them. There were points where they brushed the cars met flaps and side view mirrors, but it was all part of the fun. They ended on the petrol station, filling the petrol they had burnt. Then they made the same journey back home.

The rider was Faizan. The passsenger was LuDa.

In other news, I will be coming back by 12th InshALLAH. As per the latest info.
The results are not ouyt yet at least for our school, and i get more time to pray.
I am registered for ACCA, thanx to Muddu. May ALLAH bless him as He has blessed me with a friend like him.
I miss science.
I havent started reading Harry Potter 6.
I am an ass. :)

Quote of the Day:-Sacred is not God, but your belief in HIM.

Chachee Makes Life Wonderful For LuDa boy - Karachi

2005-07-29T14:03:00.000-07:00

Regardless of the increasingly hostile bent nature of Karachi which LuDa has faced for the past few days he still smiles to be at rest with the most trusted personnell of his family, here in Karachi-Pakistan. All prayers to the one and only LuDa's chaachee (aunt), the sole bearer of this heart felt recognition.

LuDa boy reports to have said that he is very lucky to have such a person in the family and he is very close to her. On the other hand, he says that even though she is so dear he shall not include her as a friend. This he claims to be behind the reason that the level of respect should be maintained at all times, which friends usually dont have.

Reports say that she leaves for India in 2 days time (inshALLAH). LuDa is sad but he prays for a safe journey on and back(and secretly for a short trip). Further details are kept confidential by the subject's request. :P

----------------------------------------

Indeed it has been hostile. I was too naive to notice that I havent been out of home yet. Even though not very much out of home, cruelty waits at your doorstep. An opportunity is all that it wants.

People are proud and have a major attitude problem. Its like their noses stick to the airplanes that soar the city skies. Pride and Attitude are 2 things pakistani teens have held on to very firmly. Every thing else is mostly flexible.

I finished DAN BROWN and hell he can cook stories. A genius on the head, the truth in those artifacts that he has mentioned is so freaking eerie. You will definitely not see the Virgin of the Rocks or the Last Supper with the same mindset, once youve read this. Its like there seriously is a secret organisation... WTF??!!. Not very blasphemous, as I aint a christian, but i love the fact that he actually brought out the points of how JESUS was termed as the SON OF GOD by CONSTANTINE the king of ROME (i guess) the same thing that my dad had told me some time ago. Jesus infact is not the son of god, he was MADE into one for the power of men and the empire and the new church. The New Testament is infact flawed and fractured, how inexplicably true.
Anyways, brilliance, nonetheless. An excellent tangle of fact and fiction.

There is so much more, but I feel like watching T.V. :P

Ma3salaam.

Quote of the Day:- Imagination doesnt have a 'NO FLY ZONE'.

not a small fight

2005-07-23T13:19:00.000-07:00

Nizaam-e-Khilafat
The topic of Dr. Israr Ahmad's latest speech, 2 days ago. He is one of the most revered personalities in the world for his Islamic Knowledge and Extensive Overall Global Research on many different issues. For me it was history in the making, as he defied all false laws of today's world and invited muslims to join hands to stand up for the reason Islam is sent down to this world.

A religion consists of:-
-Faith
-Worship
-Customs

Islam is not a religion. It is a way of life which consists of:-
-Faith
-Worship
-Customs
-Social Life
-Economic System
-Politics

Yes, muslims are the only people who have been guided along the path of all the 6 main lines of life. Thereby, its a guide on not only personal but even the social life of a human being. Sadly, what this world and Pakistan is turning into is Secularism. Secular states, allow you freedom with the first three options but the next three are run by the HEAD of State. The system opted by nearly all the places in the world for the next three options is :-

Social Life - TOTAL FREEDOM
Economic System - Interest Based Banking. Capitalism. Communism.
Politics - Democracy. By the people, For the people.

Islam has shown us ways for all these and they are clearly not what the above look like. Khilafat or Caliphate (in english) is what is required to topple off this current state, which looks ever so strong. In Caliphate, the rule is of Allah alone and the president of the state abides by it and makes sure the whole state follows it too.

The reason why its worst hit on Pakistan, is that the purpose of pakistan's primary existance, was An ISLAMIC STATE. An ISLAMIC STATE which will have laws that are decreed by ALLAH alone and His Prophet's Sunnah and Ahadeeth. That is the reason why the muslims of india fought the british and sacrificed themselves to creat a Muslim Soveriegn State. The mere existance of pakistan is at stake. Morever, the existence of the muslims.

But more than pakistan, its a duty of all muslims. To struggle against what is non Islamic. Atleast in their own islamic countries. Coz, surprisingly, Allah doesnt want results. He just wants to see us strive in HIS way. To see that we have faith in him and the Day of Ressurection. Prophet Noah (3) hardly had any followers in his age of 900, can we decree him as a lower prophet just coz he didnt give results. We have to fight a war a jihad, atleast within ourselves. Against our lusts, against the wrong that we know is so clear...

May Allah Help us All. Aamen.

Quote of the Day :- We know our wrath, but who cares?

The Tale of Shit and other smelly stories

2005-07-19T15:17:00.000-07:00

PTCL had broken down sometime ago. SO thats shit.
It got fixed, but still crap speeds. So thats shit.
I havent blogged for a long time now. Shit.

Also,
My bum has become a continuous automatic soluble shit emitter gun.
Mega Shit.

End The shit.

Other stories are as follows.

It hasnt been pretty bad here, or atleast not as hostile as i had expected it to be.

About the city ... Karachi has certainly improved on the living standards. Also, it is being restructured very well, with better roads and lower rate of load shedding; in some places also underground electric cables to cut off teh KUNDA cheating.
The Nazim here is definitely a hard working person and a good man, at least it seems so. May Allah Bless this guy and those who work along.
However, the other party is becoming restless and analysists predict a cold war, or atleast road clashes of the MQM and the current party. Thats politics, and sadly thats life, the fight of the good and the evil.
Traffic on the other hand has become increasingly pathetic and non of the drivers here are amatuers.

About the technology ... Even though internet connection standards are way below par, mobile connections are suprisingly the opposite. With superb offers and qualities and a wide variety of service providers, the competition is so head on that buying a sim card is equavilant to travelling from my home to haidary(market) which equals to around 150 rupees.
Yes. 150 rupees and you pay him 50 more and u get a simcard + no. + 150 rupees balance prepaid. Thts like you can have a BIG MAC or go buy a SIM. :P.Gadgets here are the usual and u shouldnt expect anything hi fi in the norm. For that u have to shift to the Upper Class, Defence and the Clifton Area, where each home looks like competing with the other both in size and looks; and every1 is linked to someone in power and position. (just my opinion)

Rainbow Center (a CD selling 4 flour complex) was shut down when i reached here. Amazingly, it was due to piracy laws. As the race to make an ace out of pakistan approaches another chekpoint, pirated CD's even though still at large, have gone more expensive. Plus, there is increasing fear that this industry may start licking the gravel.

Random Says
Apart from this i have been driving on a usual basis now. Although internally, but very frequently. Except for a few days, my sleep has become constant and timed to a good boy sleep. Sleep at 12 - wake at 8.I have started reading Da Vinci Code and man is it mind blowing and boggling combined. The author is a genius. Avid reader or not Da Vinci Code is for anyone who is mature and can read english.Oh btw, HP 6 is out. 1158 is the price here HARD BACK .. :D I might buy it. And yeah, I hate marriage parties and Ay ALLAH BAARISH DAY DAY!!

Quote of the Day:- Age shouldnt matter, when you've got the heart.

I go

2005-06-30T15:54:00.000-07:00

So,
I go,
to Pakistan,
Yo Yo,
it doesnt make sense :p

Its just a tiny window that I have to blog into right now. I have loads of stuff to do and the worst part is i am not very enthusiastic about it . Actually I am not very enthusiastic about going to pakistan either. I dont like it there. I had plans of writing down a list of the reasons why, and post it here. But then most of the people know and its too much and too complicated. In simple words I hate that place.

Amongst the usual, taping cartons, cleaning clothes (after searching them), burning media, collecting what needs to be thrown and what needs to be given, there is some other non travelling related unifinished business. Most of which, i think, will be left that way.

From the ones that I need to get done, is definitely www.MEcampus.com articulation. A further education directory. do check it out once its done, not completely but to the extent that will be put up in the recent future inshALLAH. I had left it pending for so long, I feel bad its not done yet. But the procrastinator I am, you cant expect any better. Oh, and yeah i need to watch War of the Worlds. Steven Spielberg is a magician.

As there is not much that I can think of writing right now I might as well give my brief account of the AUS GRADUATION CEREMONY.

Not at all what I was expecting.

Firstly, coz am a postponer (i know that isnt a word but sthu), I wait for the last day to inform the teachers i want to come. Thereby inducing mrs. Ganesh's wrath on that angel of a person Mrs. Devakran. She is one of the most SPECIAL teachers to me and I am so sorry for being such a pain.

Then she tells me to wear white pants. So now i am rajnikant :P. To make it worse, the pants are baggy. So now i am WEST SIDA RAJNI - CANT!
And I did not know what to wear as a shirt, so i wore some other white crap, which is usually good, but crap with this.

At school every1s 'cool multi color fashion show'. Anyways, to not be much of a problem I dont change the pants. I pay mrs. Devakran. We get the coats and the 'I WILL NEVER FIT ON YOUR HEAD UNTIL YOU CONQUER MY ELASTIC STRAP' caps. And go to the hall.

With congratulations and smiles we are greeted on stage by the principal and a distracted mrs. Ganesh, after a long [sarcasm] VERY VERY EXTREMELY FABULOUS AND ENTERTAINING AND INTERESTING[/sarcasm] round of speeches from a million personalities. Although the flashback video done by some girl was really very good :)

So we werent able to eat coz we had to do the class photographs. And it felt relieving to throw the caps as well as 'movie like':P. However later on we did loadsa, personal photosessions with my fav teachers .. and came back home.

Which reminds me, Muddu and I gave Mrs. Seema Bhaumic the card. At first she thought it was just an ordinary card but when she opened it for the real thing, she was overwhelmed. Atleast what it seemed like. She kept dabbing her eyes to stop the tears and she didnt say a word, only smiled. She didnt cry either, but it was sure darn gonna burst.

It was lovely, I was very happy. Thats the best I have ever felt, after making somone cry.

Quote of the Day :- All great things are not better.

PS: Somewhere in this post there is a picture of the card, I dont know where they placed it, but thats the card.

I saw it again.

2005-06-25T18:08:00.001-07:00

I was at ABRA again. Past 10. I waited for the boat to leave the edge and it felt awkward to see my friend standing on the pavement; waiting for the boat to leave. And so it reversed after the last lady boarded on, the grey pollution emptying the boats body into air and water. I covered my nose and mouth.

I was hoping to see her again. I knew she wont come full but that doesnt hide the beauty; at least for me. I saw something glow. It was the neon board again.

The sky wasnt cloudy, from what i could make out of it. So I searched and searched a little more, the black skies over the sea. While underneath, the black waters danced quickly away. We were travelling fast.

Time was to get off now. As scared as I am, I jumped off last. I walked the rest of the way home, on a usual route, when suddenly after the castle center, there was an unconcious change in plans.

So I walked the OTHER way and half way down the street, I see her.

Well, not completely. An army of black clouds like horses, surrounded the beautiful woman between them. They raced constantly..... in circles? I dont know. But it was hard to see her in full grace. And hard to see her shine. Even harder to try to free her.

Nonetheless, it was as animated as weekend, only that this was in the heavens ... in space.

While everyone below took no heed, the moon shone calmly from behind the moving bars. Waiting .. if somone could see her, someone could free her....
.... or just love her, if nothing else.

RED BULL IS GOOD

2005-06-22T13:39:00.000-07:00

I am suffering from INSOMNIA once again. Perhaps its a choice or maybe just a state that I have implied on my self. Not that it matters, but I sort of enjoy it. Been up for over 52 hours now and am not planning to sleep this night as well. Got alot to do.

And to add cream to the cake, i had been walking from my home - Burdubai - my home again. That is why I say RED BULL is good. On my way back, i felt a little weak. But i knew that i needed to stay up and awake and well have to work all night, so i cant doze off. So I bought redbull.

I have been on red bull many times before but its always been for MIND work and game. Today was the first time it had a purpose, more physical. And as soon as the first few drops of RED BULL rejuvinated my oesophagus / throat, I felt an amazing urge to RUN; but I didnt, coz well Red bull could spill off and I didnt want that to happen. Anyways keeping aside all the SO CALLED side effects that it had/has, it still does best what it is made for. "REVITALISES MIND AND BODY".

On the other hand, the walk was good. I got the card for the teacher. Also I got to know that I am VERY SALTY. This I can say because of the ammount of white lines that mark my shirt and pant which are due to the salt content in my sweat.

Morever, I realised how beautiful ABRA is. Usually I am with my friends so I never notice but today as I was alone half the way, it was really very statisque. To add to the beauty was the FULL MOON. The circular disc of radiant light glowed over the sea and moved with the boat .. with me. And then i noticed another glowing. A more powerful one from behind a mosque. It was a neon board. As I rode, there was a steady change of life. The Abra is a monumental place of hertige and modern scenary. The windtowers lingering the arabian foreworld at the banks on one side, and the glass towers imaging the economically stable Arab on the other. Even the harbour with ancient wooden ships stands large, while amongst them I could see the more technologically advanced powerboats and moving restaurants roaming the black currents. And to top it off, the clear, full Moon.

Hmm.. wonderful, it is.

I think i will make a move now. I have already been up late and alot to do. Also, i just noticed that when i last cleaned my keyboard yesterday, I have mixed up some of the keys and my comma's and fullstops are haywired. :P

gtg change, Ma3salaam.

Quote of the day:- Its easier to hate than understand.

there goes...

2005-06-19T14:14:00.000-07:00

I'd never thought I'd ever post something cheesy. So if you are a solid-i-dontlike cheesy gay stuff like flowers and cakes and chesse itself- sorta person, you can stop reading. But then if you are also an-i- am so always very curios and i dont care whether the cat dies or not- sorta person then you can carry on. Either ways, you have been warned.

So, Mohd is gone. Not off this planet, but off the arabian penninsula atleast :P. I went to see him off on the airport.

As much as I wanted it to be something grand, it was just the same. "Good bye and i love you" and a hug. We had already given him a gift(and for all the loosers who havent paid, I want my money:P), so I didnt give him anything else. Although I thought we could share ICE TEA together but the can fell off my hand when i called in the trolly.

Ok, here's another embarrassing part. As soon as he reached the airport, I came in with a trolly so that to help them put their bags. BUT LAA! .. they had already called a coolie, and well .. I had to take them trollies back .. :P. I could here wicked laughter inside the car. Both of his sisters laughing their heads off. I dont go off well with his sister anyways so .... monkey!!

Anyways everything else went pretty smooth. I sneaked my way into the Baggage lounge but well, I didnt need to, coz they werent checking. Hence all my covert ducking and scrambling was nothing but to my own enjoyment.

Mohd's been and will be a pappu friend always. He wasnt exactly a perfect definition of the CALL ME ANY TIME friend. I mean when you call him at 3 Am he wud go like WTF? not coz of the time but coz he was expecting somone else's call .. :P LOL. Jokes aside, LOADS Of DUA for him, in whatever he is gonna do their which is RIGHT!. And hopefully he gets me good stuff when he comes back:). Thanx for the pappu time and your broad shoulder for my drool. And thanx alot for holding me back and bearing all the gaaliyan and smacks on the back. Also, hmmm .. also .... whatever dude you know i love ya! (not in any homosexual way).

May Allah Give You The Best of Both Worlds - Aameen

Quote of the day :- NUMA NUMA YEAH!

not planning to ...

2005-06-15T15:16:00.000-07:00

.. blog tonight.

Even though there is much to write, there isnt much time left for the sun to break in through the threads of my room's beige curtain. Ummmm, well there is BUT I'd like to use that to watch smallville instead.

I have completed the compilation of Season 4 and there are 4 more eps to go till I finish watching it. Why I give prefference to SMALLVILLE over -the all so happening- BLOGGING is cause i havent been able to watch it for the past 2 days. And I miss clark ... ummm .. i mean all that superman thingee .. (dont get me wrong:P). So I shall switch off the lights .. get under my sheets put on the head phones and play .. SMALLVILLE.

Next blog.... Graduation Party.

Quote of the day:- almost an angel, so heaven she lost. (am thinking of writing more on it)

After a 4 year gap ...

2005-06-14T04:51:00.000-07:00

... or somewhat 4 years, am not really sure, but lets keep it that way; my balcony undergoes the cleaning process. Whose the RAMBO? None other than L u D a himself!!

So, my rooms balcony is split into 2 portions. The side under the AC and the side NOT UNDER the AC. I began with the easier one, NOT UNDER THE AC.

It was a tattered carton that rested in one corner upon which heaps and loads of childhood history was stacked. However, I had to make my way through to that end coz the balcony was clogged with BS, thanks to the cleaner who throws anything which he cant put any where else, in the balcony. So I got a black garbage bag and began my short but sweaty journey.

Even at 3 in the morning as in 3 am, i was sweating like it was raining. Anyhow, as I began emptying the cardboard of forgotten crap from the top, I came across some torn and chewed up plastic bags. My first impression was RATS. This building has had a history of them and I wasnt gonna take any chances. I made my way carefully going one at a time. Although half way through the box I realised that this place was extremely unhygenic for any life or life form to survive, let alone inhabit.

Next I turned my head to the OTHER side of the 'viewing space'. Now I was so hundred percent sure that there is life under those bags and dirt, wet by the AC water. It was a perfect enviroment and well I had seen a lizard earlier to guarantee their existance.

So, my bro got me BAYGON and a broken aluminium, floor viper handle so I initiated the second half. It was going smooth till there came a wet book. I was careful all round, and as I knew about the cockroaches and there love of paper (from experience); I made a gentle move to press the book with my foot. Up they swarmed, slowly, but not as many as I had expected. With my faithful green friend in my arms, I pressed the nozzle onto them. They ran hay wire up the wall. But am a genius, so I sprayed the walls with BAYGON. They couldnt crawl anymore. one by one they died their way up the wall and fell.

I cleared the rest and then vaccumed the place (we have a carpet there).


Anyways, I did this till morning, and then I had some free time. After which I cleaned the Computer Table. Next stop is the clothes cupboard. I havent slept yet and neither am I planning to until ISHA, so am finally gonna get a set routine (inshALLAH). Nonetheless I do feel tired and am running on 2 panadols every 5-6 hours, so dont bug me until tomorrow .. :P

Oh yeah, also am a lil annoyed and impatient. I have been wiping my face off my shirt all day and new zits and acne have already started to show up. Which is pathetic coz i just started loosing them. *sigh* whatever!

Quote of the day:- Cleaning makes me happy.